If You Were Ours

Chapter Fifty Four - Kinsley

Kinsley ~

I half way expected Dane and Tyson to try and force their way back into my good graces. I thought they'd try to dominate me and take control to try and force forgiveness out of me because that's who they were, but they didn't. They took every ounce of spite that I threw at them and kept coming back for more.

Tyson was clearly struggling more than Dane, but they both disliked not getting their way.

Every time I pulled away from them or denied their requests, I could see flashes of anger behind their eyes as they got used to my new found defiance. They hated every second of it, but they didn't say a word, they continued to do anything and everything I asked of them, drowning in their own guilt and need for forgiveness.

As I sat in the studio above the gallery with Violet, I tried to focus on my work, but my thoughts kept drifting to the men in my apartment...the men that I loved.

I tried to sift through my own emotions, desperately trying to understand myself so I could move on and heal, but it wasn't that simple.

It's not that I wanted to punish them, or enjoyed seeing the disappointment on their faces when I denied physical contact - it was the opposite in fact. I wanted to touch them more than anything. I wanted to kiss them and hold them and use them as my own personal weighted blankets to keep me safe and warm, but it had to be on my terms. I needed them to understand how it feels to have your control forcefully taken instead of willingly given.

But if I was being honest, denying myself from touching and kissing the men I loved was starting to wear on my soul. It had been three days and we had kept it to basic small talk, sleeping in separate rooms - no touching, no kissing...nothing.

I was angry at them and still wasn't sure how to forgive them fully, but I had to take a step toward reconciliation instead of staying in the spiteful circle that I was stuck in. It was too exhausting to hate them because it went against everything I truly felt.

Every cell in my body wanted them - wanted to touch them and feel them, but I was so mad at them for what they had done. They had taken away my voice and denied me the chance to willingly consent to their fucked up plan and every time I thought about giving in and letting them cuddle me all night, my mind drifted to that angry place.

I slammed the brush against the canvas as my mind rolled back and forth between the idea of kissing them sweetly and screaming in their faces. I wanted physical touch...needed it in the worst way, but I was too angry to kiss and cuddle.

The movements of my hand stalled as a deliciously sinful solution came to mind.

What if I make them submit to me instead?

My idea got stuck in the forefront of my mind and stalled my entire body as I considered the possibility.

If I flipped the script, would they submit if I tried to dominate them? Would they even allow it? How far could I take this before their inner doms took over and denied me?

The thought was intriguing and I felt the brush in my hand start to move, as if it were moving on its own. I was inspired and filled with a sudden surge of energy and anticipation.

Would I even be able to pull this off if I tried? I'm a natural submissive and I don't really enjoy calling the shots, it's too much pressure if I'm being honest.

A few insecurities cropped up, clouding my mind as I painted, but ultimately the anger I felt toward their disregard for my feelings was enough to fuel my confidence.

I played the scene out in my mind, wondering how far I could take this, curious to know how much they would allow me to take over. They were dominants after all and hated not being in control, but maybe that's exactly what they needed. Hell, that's why I'm so angry with them in the first place. They forcefully took my control by sending me away instead of letting me willingly turn my control over to them.

I grinned at my canvas as the sun started to go down, giddy with excitement that was laced with the tiniest bit of vengeance.

Get ready boys, because when I get home...you're mine. 

*****

Thoughts my loves?