His Desire- ᴇʀᴇɴ ᴊᴀᴇɢᴇʀ

Chapter 6

(follow my art accounts @odelmika and @odeliasenpaii on insta if you don't  already)
also i'm srry i'm so bad at updating but this chapter is almost 10k words so enjoy  🙃

You open your eyes and you come in contact with a large chest. Sill in a hazy state, you're slightly confused about where you are. It's still dark out, so it must be around 2 or 3 in the morning. You realize that that chest belongs to eren, you try to move, however, your legs are intertwined with something. You looked down to see that your legs are tangled together with his. His arm is around your waist, well more like your lower back, his hand almost touching your butt. You two were pressed up against each other, leaving very little room between the two of you, full-on cuddling.

He's in only boxers and you're in a t-shirt with small shorts, there's a lot of skin.... touching. You wonder how you got into this position, when you went to sleep your back was facing him. You're a pretty rowdy sleeper, you move a lot in your sleep, so the fact that the two of you are in this position is probably your fault. The thing is you could move if you wanted, very easily, but part of you doesn't want to... it feels nice. You haven't been held like this in a while and you can't deny the way eren is holding you brings you comfort.

It reminds you of how he used to hold you. Whenever you were going through a difficult time with your parents, he was there to console you. There were days when you'd just show up at his house and he'd just know you needed him, that you needed to be held, and he wouldn't even need to say anything; just having him hold you was enough. Many nights, he would simply hold you in his arms and let you cry. He would stop everything, even if he was in the middle of something, for you.

You always felt like you were a burden to him, almost selfishly dumping your problems on him. Especially since he was dealing with his own issues. But you needed him, and he was there for you; without him, you would have ended up in a very bad place. It's terrifying to consider what your life might have been like if you didn't have him. Looking back, it's kind of sad to see how much you relied on him. You cared for him so much that it hurt, but he apparently didn't feel the same way... or so he claims.

However, his actions speak louder than his words. He was never the type of person to talk about his feelings, well neither were you, but he hid his feelings more than you did. He always acted like he was okay, but you knew he wasn't. Yet, you think that helping you brought him comfort. Being there for someone the way his mother was there for him made him feel good about himself. He had his mother to be there for him, but you had no one. So he made sure that he was always there for you.

But that makes you think, was he only friends with you because "he felt bad for you" like he said? It's hard to believe that he was faking all of it, that he's always hated you, and that he never cared for you at all. He had to be lying, you pray that nothing he said to you was true. You have the same conversation with yourself constantly; debating on whether or not he meant the words what he said and god is it tiring.

You don't even know if he's sorry. You don't know anything, and it eats away at you every day. You want to know what happened... you need to know. As Sasha said, he's the reason you aren't able to move on in your life. You aren't able to move on because you don't know if you're the reason why everyone in your life seems to think you're not worth their time. Is it you that's the problem? Or do you just surround yourself with the wrong people?

Is there something wrong with you?

Are you not worth being loved?

Once you know the reasoning behind his words you'll finally be able to move on from him. You will make sure by the end of this trip you will know what happened that horrible horrible day.