Young, Dumb and Curious
Young and dumb was I, I had spent the night deciding on what to do. With him on my mind it seemed the decision was a yes but I wasn't so confident with that answer yet. I could show up and see him, or I could not show up and leave him wondering where I was all that time. I had seen many different faces the first time we talked but none of them could compare to his. He was a nice arrangement of atoms, I have not seen a face like his in so long.
I didn't mind the fact that he seemed so interested to ask me what my interests are. Though I admit I was interested too because he seemed incredibly interesting, him being the rabbit and me being Alice I would have followed him into wonderland. Sitting here writing and thinking about him and his face appearing perfectly in my mind, I know there will probably not be a time when I would ever tell him he was the only person out of all those people that I remembered.
Just by remembering his voice, I could dream a dream of him. We would sit there just staring into the sky talking about nothing but our past and our broken dreams. I guess my biggest fear while thinking about him, is the fact that he seemed so good to be true, almost as if he could evaporate into thin air and then be gone.
Now if my decision was no, then I know I will lay in bed and think endless thoughts of him wondering if he is wondering about me, if it was a yes then I would see him and get to maybe find out more about him, but what if I mess things up? What if he loses even the slightest bit of interest in me?
I don't want him to see my flaws, or the fact that behind all this makeup and lies, that there is a broken girl inside. When my makeup washes and my masks comes off, my imperfections eat me alive and then they drown me. I couldn't sleep before I met him and now I cannot sleep still, so the only thing I can do is lie awake, think of him and then decide whether or not I should show up and take the risk of having a bad day and messing things up.
