My mafia love

21~ love

I find it crazy how easy I forgive Cade. I don't want to, but I find it incredibly hard to stay mad at him.

I find it so hard in a situation like this.. because of all people Cade. He's given me new feelings that I never thought I could have.. or I didn't even know of. I can't think straight, I've never craved someone's lips or touch ever, or as much as I do Cade. No matter what he does I always find myself going back to him.

He said he's not going to touch me. I don't know what that means but I guess I'll have to do what I can to change that.

We're leaving in two days. And if I'm being honest I don't want to leave. I like being here, alone, with Cade.

And that brings us back to the present, away from my thoughts. Cade's in the bedroom, being distant which I hate and I'm in the kitchen making dinner. I'm hungry and I'm her Cade is to.

"Cade!" I shout.

After a few minutes he appears in the kitchen standing at the door, not saying anything.

"I made us dinner.."

"Oh. Thanks" he replies while taking the plate and sitting at the table.

I follow him and sit down. It's been a while and he hasn't even looked at me, nor spoke a word.
That's it I can't take this anymore.

"Cade. What's wrong" I ask breaking the silence.

He looks at me with a blank look and finally, after a while he speaks.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is I hurt you Kelly" he adds sounding a little sorrowful. I've never seen him like this.

"Cade you can't feel guilty forever. I'm fine. It's fine really" I reassure him

"No. It's not fine. I can't believe I did that. Kelly I'm too bad for you" he says looking away from me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask trying to hold back the tears ready to fall down my face.

"Maybe you were right.. about me letting you go. I can't live with myself after what I did" he replies looking back at me.

"W-what? I'm not leaving you" the tears finally escaped my eyes after his confession. It killed hearing him say that.

As soon as he sees the first tear leave my eyes, he looks away again.

"Cade.. please.." I barely whisper, not wanting to hear my own voice break.

"I'm sorry" he says using the same tone.

He begins walking away and my eyes widen in shock, not believing he's about to walk away from this. I can't leave him.

"You began to feel like home.." I admit letting my voice break in front of him. He stops and turns around.

He gives me a questioning look and I decide to carry on. "It's not just what I feel for you, it's what I do not and haven't felt for anyone but you"

His face softens and he slowly walks closer to me. Still not touching me he studies my face.

"Why can't I leave you" he says like he's asking himself.

I don't reply and just stare back into his eyes.

I walk even closer and wrap my arms around him and burry my head in his neck. I soon pull away when he doesn't return the hug. I give him a weird look.

"I told you.. I'm not touching you" he answers my um asked question for me.

"I told you I forgive you"

"I don't forgive myself" he replies.

Well I guess my mission is still on, Doing everything I can to change that. He can't feel guilty for too long, I need to show him how much I love him.

What the fuck

Love?

Did I really just think that?

Do I love Cade?

Holy shit. I think I'm falling for Cade.

Cade's POV:

Last night I snapped. I snapped at Kelly. If I saw someone else shout in her face, no doubt about it.. I would kill them in a heartbeat.
She was trying to comfort me and I threw it back in her face. I don't deserve her.

And I don't care anymore. I feel. I feel for her. And I haven't felt for anyone the way I do her.

But I looked at her wrists and saw what I did. And wow the hatred I have for myself is absolutely unreal. I hurt my Kelly.

Her face showed how hurt she was, and yet she still had a pure enough heart to forgive me. But I couldn't allow it, she couldn't be near me anymore. But it's Kelly. And I can't resist her. I can't leave her. I can't let her go.

I can't let her go but I'm promising myself I won't touch her. Believe me I want to, but I don't deserve to touch her after what I did.
When she hugged me, it felt like I had the whole world in my hands, I didn't want her to let go, but I'm sticking to my promise.

She's mine.