Can you see me? | L.S |

IV Chapter twenty

POV: Harry Styles

The incentives. They are far too much for me. People are asking me things... Louis being the only one who feels a bit familiar in this strange space where everything is unknown to me. It feels crazy, it smells crazy here. It smells different than at home.

"Harry, what do you remember before you wandered away through the syringe your mother gave you?"

"I remember how Louis shouted things that I couldn't hear anymore, and how my mother fell on my lap. I saw blood, lots of blood."

I had almost forgotten... the syringe. And my mother. Where is she? Is she alright? A lot will change from now on. Do I want that? Can I handle that? Change?

"Harry?"

I look up questioningly into the eyes of a doctor.

"We have finished the tests. There is a policeman who would like to speak to you now. May I let him in?"

I look at Louis who smiles sweetly at me. It's crazy, how I trust such a boy I barely know so much.

"Okay."

An officer enters with a notebook, while the doctors leave the room. He sits down on a chair next to Louis and politely asks him to leave us alone. I am startled. Alone? I don't want that... I don't want to be alone with someoneI don't even know!
I try to shout that I don't want him to leave me but Louis has already stood up and walks towards the door. I start floundering wildly in bed and to my great surprise I moved my foot while floundering. I did catch Louis' attention but I wildly pull the covers off myself and look at my legs. Quietly I try to move my feet and tears well up in my eyes when I see that I am succeeding. I am not paralysed! I knew it already, but it feels like I've only just realised it. My mother has paralysed me with all the fucking pills she gave me. She deserves to go to prison.

I may be able to walk one day!

Louis walks up to me and sits down in front of the bed. "Why are you crying Harry?" He asks and only then do I realise the tears are streaming down my cheeks.
"I-" I don't know where the hoarseness is coming from but I can barely speak anymore. I keep moving my feet, because that feeling is literally amazing. When I was still in our house I could never have imagined that I would be able to move my feet. I never thought I would be able to leave the house at all, and look where I am right now!

The officer coughs. "Harry, I'd like to ask you a few questions."

Louis nods to the agent and walks to the door. I try to scream but nothing comes out of my throat, not even a hoarse sound.

The door is closed and immediately I feel unsafe. Who is this man and what does he want from me?

"I think it is appropriate to introduce myself. Harry, my name is Robert Dralis and I am a detective. I've come to ask you a few questions about your home situation and about your mother, and then I'll be off. We'll just go at your pace."

I nod softly. I have a really pounding headache from everything and it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.
"Okay, I'll start then," Robert says. "I understand you had to take a lot of pills. What were those pills for?"

I cough a few times before I start to answer. "For my muscle disease," I whisper, "so I have less pain and for more diseases mum said I had but she said they were too hard names to say all so I don't know exactly what for but the bottom line was they were for my muscles because I have or had several diseases to my muscles."

The officer nods and this answer took more effort than I thought. The headache gets worse and worse. With both my hands I grab my head as if that would stop the headache.

"Okay, question number two. How did yo-"

"Stop..." I whisper.

"-your mother treat you?"

I just whisper the word 'stop' over and over again. It has to stop... the pain has to stop. Too many stimuli. Can't take it...

"Harry?"

I look out of the window next to the door hoping that Louis is watching, but he is nowhere to be seen. I look across the room as if Louis might suddenly be there, but all I see are the red and yellow striped curtains that sit in front of the window.

The officer keeps calling my name and it drives me crazy. I shake my head wildly, still holding it in both hands. Everything must stop. I can't handle this!
I feel myself getting more oppressed and I start breathing heavier. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to get my breathing normal, but the opposite happens. I hear a chair squeak across the floor and I get so little air that I feel like I'm going to faint. I open my eyes because I feel something on me and I see that the officer is hanging over me. This makes me only more stressed and afraid. I gasp.
Robert says something back but I can't understand. I'm not getting enough air. Why is he hanging over me?

"Don't give me a syringe no... no don't," I cry.

Suddenly there are more people in the room and I want to shout that they should leave me alone but instead they all stand next to my bed and touch me.
I start to hyperventilate and wrap my arms around myself protectively, just like I did when my mother hit me. It didn't help at all because I knew she had all the power over me, but the idea of some protection was nice.

Suddenly, I feel my eyes and body become very heavy and I surrender to the feeling, still gasping for breath.
My eyes become heavier and I am pulled further and further into the deep until I am completely gone.