Intangible

8: Txan ne yol

Long chapter ahead!

"This is me, from the shack. It's kinda late but I know it's good to record these. So, anyway, days are becoming uncountable. I can't tell weeks anymore because I spend everyday out there. Obviously, I don't get a weekend vacation from this job. But, god! It does not get boring!" I smiled brightly.

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My days begin with Maru trying to wake me with Tsu'tey's scowl. I do daily chores with her and then Tsu'tey pulls me away for lessons. Usually archery. I just can't figure out how to aim.

"Again!" He snarls, "You think you can make it as one of the people with that kind of shooting?"

"Do you think I can make it with this kind of shooting?" I bantered. 

"Oisss! You would not make it a day if it weren't for the people."

"And I am eternally grateful, but you don't have to kick me while I'm down."

"You aliens and your sayings-"

"Generalizing isn't kind, sayrìp.[handsome]" I fired and missed by a little. My form was near perfect and yet I am crap at this. I fail every time and it's been two weeks of me firing a bow. 

"Focus!" Tsu'tey hissed. I scoffed at him and picked up another arrow. 

"You must always strive to be better. It is the way." He grunted.

I continued to focus on the aim throughout that day. I pushed myself until by the time I was tired, I struggled to get to my hammock.

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I saw Norm coaching Jake on Oel ngati kameie, and I found it funny that it took him so long to get it. I still can't help but feel bad for Norm. 

I plopped down onto my bed made of a hard mattress, multiple pillows I had asked Trudy to grab from base, and a big blanket. I don't sleep will without them. The smell has grown familiar, so have the sounds and sights from the window.

Everything I've brought here is strewn across this mobile unit.

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Tracking and moving throughout the forest is second nature. Hawaii was untouched up until the last few years of my stay on earth. I'm sure it's only getting worse. The reason why they keep the trees and green is for the tourists, but they take more and more. 

I do miss my home very much, but I moved away when I was 13 and never went back. 

That's not my point. 

Tsu'tey has become less strict and more at ease around me. Almost the same as when I taught him. It's odd to think that we aren't that much older than one another. I may see myself as twenty-two, but I am legally twenty-eight. Na'vi don't celebrate birthdays so no one is keeping track, but I think Tsu'tey is around twenty-one now. I know Neytiri was born eighteen-nineteen years ago because Sylwanin was counting pandoran seasons and I did some math and she would be eighteen-ish. And it's a lot of math and such but I think that's his age. 

I rationalized this in my head because of the way Saeyla looks at me. She's jealous. I know if I were her I would be. Some alien comes and takes away one of the most popular men in the clan and not put forward some sort of claim? 

Granted, men aren't to be claimed, no person is. But that is how the young women act. They stake a claim on someone and bicker until they are chosen. Saeyla has no reason to believe I want him. I won't deny that I think about him in that way occasionally, but I haven't acted on it once. 

What I want with Tsu'tey is physical, I know I can't have it. As a person, I liked him for the person I knew when he sassed me. If the school was open longer, he would've been in Grace's class. I'm surprised she didn't choose to instruct him. They had a bond like a mother and son would. 

My point is, I like him. Liked him. It's complicated. 

I liked his quips, the sass, the audacity, and the way he smiled with his eyes. Now he doesn't smile, joke, or sass if it isn't an insult. It almost hurts to be around him. I love his eyes, and passion, the fire within him which pushes him to be better. He always pushes himself to be better. He's a skilled craftsman, hunter, and warrior, and he pours all that passion into it. It's admirable. How has he changed in the past two years?

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He teaches me things I never saw before, the energy which is always flowing, the spirits of Eywa's creatures. I can see the beauty in it all, I am ever-astounded and astonished by the world around me. I can almost see it how he sees it. It feels like home.

Not only that, but Grace has been let back into the clan. Every morning I see her with the young children, socializing, teaching, listening. She looks so happy.

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Grace focusses on Jake so much that no one notices me doing what he does. I avoid this body. It doesn't feel like my own. It's dying around me and I can feel myself aging from stress alone. I just need to sleep.

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Tsu'tey takes me away from Maru more often to see Pandora, to see it. With my eyes, mind, and spirit. I see it and I hear it. I hear her in the wind. She's singing. Eywa. 

He pulls me away from lessons early now that I am doing well at archery, tracking, riding a pa'li. 

"Eyo'i, come with me." His tone is less demanding, softer and yet somehow strong and clear. It's early in the morning and Maru is supposed to take me to learn net fishing. The sun is just beginning to rise. I had dressed myself in a tight, tight halter top made of a somewhat elastic fabric which I had made from plant fibers and such. I made it adjustable. It was like a binder but smaller because of na'vi anatomy. Breasts don't need to be as big as the ones that humans have and tbh if I didn't cover them, no one would care but Grace. It's not a sex organ. But I was feeling masculine. I'm not sure how else to put it. I present as male fairly often. It's easier as a Na'vi to just tuck them away. 

"Where are we going?" 

"Get your pa'li. I have something to show you." Besides that sounding suspicious, in my head there were a few options to what could play out. One, he kills me, two, he leaves me for dead, three, he does have something to show me, or four, he has something important to say.

So, I bonded with Tsa'kinam(my pa'li friend) and I followed Tsu'tey who was on Pänu(his pa'li). We rode out to... no where really. But we were having fun and racing one another until the sun was above the horizon and then some. 

We came back and I realized that he had just invited me out for fun instead of for something serious. 

"Thank you, my Tskxe. I had fun."  (Just because I want to, here it is in Na'vi rough translation.[Irayo, Oeyä Tskxe. Tì'o' oe kem sìmi.] My na'vi grammar is bad) I call him rock or stone occasionally to poke fun at his stern attitude. He nodded and resumed lessons shortly. 

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A member of the clan had died. She was an older woman, part of the 'okrol ngopyu, the keepers of the clan's histories. I was allowed to join. 

It was a solemn silent day, Mo'at held the gathering and Neytiri finished the tìaho te ayolo'(prayer of the clans). A common prayer to Eywa for someone who had died of natural causes. It's like this.

"Kä hu ayoe nawma sa'nok, lu hu peyä, ulte tsurokx.[go with the great mother, be with her and rest]" 

It's similar to the hunting prayer. Short, sweet, and memorable. She will not be forgotten by the people.