Intangible

10: Pxeyve frrtu

Tsu'tey has been teaching me to fly. And I have been since the time I fell off a cliff to meet my Ikran. Her name is Hiyìk. She's feisty, humorous and sweet in her own mischievous way. Snappy, rude, but kind. She's impulsive and ambitious. Her voice when she speaks in my head is like my mothers, soft, warm and almost Mean Girls-like. Tsu'tey is kind of wary of her. He doesn't think her impulsive behavior will be good for me so, we do things strictly. 

He took me to see the tree of souls. We landed on the lip of the bowl-like valley.

"Come with me. The tree of souls is something all na'vi should see." He dismounted his Ikran and started walking. I hesitated to move.

"Tsu'tey... I'm not na'vi." I looked at him sadly. 

"You are as much na'vi as I am. You know our ways, speak our language, and you are honest, kind, and a child of Eywa." He didn't need to say more. I got off of Hiyìk and followed behind him, climbing carefully down the steep hill. 

We arrived at the tree and he told me stories of his people, and his favorite was Toruk Makto. Neytiri's grandfather's grandfather was the original toruk makto. 

"He brought many clans together when this valley was in trouble. It was a sorrowful time. All na'vi people know his story. We all respect him and any rider of toruk." I found his wonder and admiration to be adorable and sweet. It was one of the few times when he was truly vulnerable to me. 

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I'm 'home' again and I can't help but feel out of place. Jake has the same feelings. And I can't figure out if it's because he's in love with Neytiri, or if Earth isn't worth going back to. Which I know it isn't. 

My life before this all were blurs of my father's icey blue eyes burning holes in my skull, judgement, and failure. His screams of anger echo and ring in my ears. Ears, I remember, that aren't blue. I can never be one of them, but a girl can dream. 

The na'vi don't think I'm weird or strange to present myself multiple ways. It's normal for them. The concept of two genders only doesn't stick with them. Neither does the confinement of ones body, when a na'vi want's to transition, they do the best they can to support that. And when they do, there's a ceremony before Eywa. It's a beautiful thing. I'm just genderfluid, I can't speak for them, but I find it to be beautiful. 

Jake has been pulled away again, Grace too. I hope he didn't cause trouble. 

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A huge lightning storm in the flux has erupted. But tonight is Jake's ceremony. It's mine too, but I've been doing this for years. He's had three months and now he's going to be brought to the edge of death to prove that he can be one of them.

I want it more than anything. I want to be part of their beautiful world, their beautiful culture and world. I have to finish this and I'm not letting Grace stop me.

"I can't allow it." Grace stated to both of us, "You're just not strong enough." 

"Too bad!" I popped into my link that I had prepared earlier. I'm sure Jake was arguing with Grace because I woke up first. So they decided my ceremony would be first. 

"You are awake, come, you will be painted by Maru and I." He grabbed my hand and helped me up. 

We sat in silence, Tsu'tey stepped out so that Maru could paint me and my bare chest. Tsu'tey knows that I am uncomfortable showing off my chest to anyone I don't consider a friend, and he doesn't know where we stand either. Once she was done, Tsu'tey painted my face. Gazing into my eyes the whole time, he outlined my cheekbones and jaw with cool, sticky paint. once it had dried, it looked like a glaze. 

"It is finished, come." He helped me up and lead me down to meet the lore keepers. 

It was damp, cool, and dark. The lulling of the 'okrol ngopyu, the beat of the drum. Like the heart beat of the world.

Mo'at, Neytiri, and Eytukan looked up from their seats and watched me move down the steps. Their painted faces seemed so foreign now. 

I stepped into the center of their circle, and Tsu'tey took a seat next to Mo'at. She stood as I sat down. She grabbed the burning herbs and blew the dry, pine-like smoke into my face. I bathed in the smoke as the Tsahik began to speak.

"Ma txantslusama ngawng, a swoka utralti yom...[oh wise worm who eats the sacred tree]" She took the worm's nest from Neytiri and picked a small one, "Fìtaronyur apxan teswotivìng äiet angay.[grant this worthy warrior true vision]" She held it above my head and fed it to me.

"Teswotivìng äiet angay. Teswotivìng äiet angay. Mì ayewll, poru teswotìng äiet angay.[Grant true vision. Grant true vision. In the plants, grant true vision to her.]" They chanted.

Eytukan pulled a dual pronged scorpion from a pot and let it crawl about his hand before levelling it with my shoulder. It stung me once, twice, three times before Eytukan was able to stop it. it was a half dose too much. Tsu'tey looked concerned and almost upset. 

My vision distorted and I writhed on the floor. Mo'at began dancing as her speech slowed and slowed until it was indeciferable. The flashing of the glowing drum, the smoke in my face. The wet flow down my face. They hissed and gasped as they lunged at me and stopped short. it's part of the ceremony. But it is frightening. I found comfort in Tsu'tey's face. His wasn't the only I recognized. I saw Re'kxutu. 

"Re'kxu-" I was passing out. I fell onto my back, I saw the connections all leading to the tree of souls. I saw the eye of Eywa. The tendrils of energy made up who she is and her form. 

I was on the ground in the forest, I saw my friend fly over head and another prancing. There was one more I haven't met yet. Eywa had sent her. The beautiful black beast. The one who had chased me before. Through her eyes, I saw the world dying, everything was on fire and everything hurt! 

I screamed and shot up. Tears flowed freely from my eyes. 

Tsu'tey lunged forward and caught me before I fell face forward. 

"It is finished!" Mo'at assured with a worried face. 

It was part-way through the night and Tsu'tey was making sure I was taken care of. I felt sick and dry. 

"Here, you must drink." He handed me a bowl full of water.

"Thank you, Tsu'tey." I gulped down the sweet water, it had been collected from a flower. It was cold and refreshing. I already felt better. 

"In the morning, you will be given a speech. Eytukan will make you one of the people. Now, I must attend JakeSully's dreamhunt. Rest and wait for me." He stood and walked back down into the spiral.