Surviving Twin Flame Connections

Will I End Up With My Twin Flame?

I'm going to be blunt and a little controversial in this essay. My clients come to me with this question more often than you might think. My understanding of the twin flame connection heavily affects how I answer this question for most of them.
First, I believe twin flame connections are based on shared trauma and the need to heal the individual so the trauma can be released. I do NOT believe twin flames are two halves of a soul—partially because I don't believe the Divine (the universe, God, etc) is so cruel as to split our souls (in fact, I don't believe that's possible, but if it were...) and then send us on some cosmic scavenger hunt to find the "other half" of that soul. This concept simply doesn't jibe with my understanding of a loving Divine who wants us to be whole and happy beings while on this planet.
So, if twin flame connections are based on healing shared trauma, it's going to be extremely unlikely that you would "end up with" your twin flame. What more often is likely is that one of you will heal the trauma sooner than the other and leave the connection. The problem is that the partner left behind will often chase the partner who leaves, setting up an extremely unhealthy and co-dependent connection with them.
Consider this: If you and your twin flame have met and share the trauma of an addiction, the one of you who heals the trauma and goes into recovery is going to find it extremely difficult to stay with the other partner because doing so puts them in the position of having to choose to spend time with an addict. That's often detrimental to an addict's recovery, so that partner leaves. Or, if they stay and try to help the other partner heal, they may find themselves in the position of having to fight to help the other partner heal and getting defeated when they don't.
One of the things you need to remember about healing, especially traumatic healing, is that you have to do it for yourself. No one else can heal your trauma for you, not even a twin flame who shares that trauma. If you were both abandoned as children, you share trauma and experience, but if you want to heal that trauma and your partner does not, there is not one single thing you can do to heal it for them. Read that again! You cannot heal your partner, no matter how much you want to.
The problem many twin flame partners run into (and often why they ghost the other partner) is that you come together at different points in your healing journey. You may be ready to heal your traumas right now, but your partner may not be in the same place. If your partner isn't ready to heal, they may even sabotage your own healing in an effort to keep you in the connection. This is where the "abusive" or "co-dependent" twin flame connections come about. I'm not saying, by any means, that all twin flame connections go this route, but when they do, it is often because the partners are at different stages of healing their traumas and being willing to heal themselves.
If you approach a twin flame connection with the idea that they are supposed to be temporary, you'll get more out of the relationship and be able to walk away when the time comes to do so. If, however, you consider a twin flame connection one that "should" be permanent, you're setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.
I see people engaged in twin flame connections where they haven't seen or spoken to their partner in years, and yet they are still waiting for that partner to return to them. The problem with that mindset is that the reason they're not speaking to you, or have blocked all communication and moved on with their life is that they have healed the trauma you shared and you haven't. Yes, this is an indication that you should work on healing your trauma, but do it so you can be healthier and happier in your life, NOT because you think doing so will bring your twin flame back to you. Chances are, it won't because what brought you together is now gone and won't return because you've both healed.
It frustrates me to see so many men and women fighting to cling to someone they believe to be a twin flame and ignoring all the other parts of their lives. They talk about karmic connections and soulmates with disdain as though any type of love you encounter in this life is to be scorned if it isn't a twin flame connection. The truth is, those loves—the karmic and soulmate—are healthier for you because they are based on shared energy, not trauma.
When a client tells me that they want to see their twin flame break up with their karmic or soulmate connection, they are saying their trauma is a better connection than the shared energy the partner is experiencing. Personally, if I connected with someone based on shared trauma (and I have), I would rejoice for them to find a karmic or soulmate connection that made them happy and feel love on a level our shared trauma simply couldn't.
And if you love someone, why would you begrudge them having love with others? It breaks my heart to hear clients tell me they want to get between their twin flame partner and any other partners they might have. To me, that's a karmic debt they may not be ready to bear in the long run. From a strictly mundane relationship point of view, if someone cheats with you, they will often cheat on you. It stands to reason that if they will leave someone for your energy, they'll leave you for someone else's energy. You're setting yourself up to be hurt by the connection with your twin flame if you press them to focus solely on you when they were with someone else when you connected.
This isn't to say that one kind of love is better than the other, but love based on trauma isn't meant to last. That's why meeting someone and falling in love during a tumultuous period of your life often doesn't last. Your connection was based on the stress and trauma of the life you were living and when that fades, so does the connection.
Another reason you wouldn't end up with your twin flame is that, just as with soulmate connections, not all twin flame connections are meant to be romantic. I've had trauma-based connections with friends and family in my life. I never even considered ending up with these people as the love of my life. Neither should you.
You might feel I'm biased toward energy-based connection, and to some extent, you'd be right. The bias I feel is based on the pain I see my clients go through when they cling to the trauma connection past the shelf-life of the connection. Energy-based connections have calmer, more loving life spans and allow the partners to continue to grow and mature with the connection. Twin flame—trauma based connections—come to you with an expiration date. Keep that in mind before setting your hopes on a life-long and happy relationship with your twin flame.