The Dragon's New Groove

Camelot

Kilgharrah glances up to find Arthur and a very tall knight looking down at him.

"I can see the resemblance, Your Highness," the knight says drily, with a tiny smile creeping onto his face.

Arthur frowns but doesn't say anything.

Once again, Kilgharrah gets to his feet, not quite hiding the annoyed huff he makes.

"Hello, sir Knight," he says to the Knight, then turns to Arthur, "It looks like I'll be joining you on your way back to Camelot, Your Highness. Merlin has given me permission to live with him since I have no one else to go to."

Arthur scowls, "Did he now?"

Arthur and the Knight give each other a meaningful look, one Kilgharrah has no idea the meaning of, and then the king bellows, "Merlin!"

Kilgharrah's weak little human ears apparently can't handle such loudness, because he flinches violently, hands springing up to hold over his precious little ears.

Once the onslaught is over, Kilgharrah gives Arthur his best glare and almost growls at him, only just remembering that humans don't growl.

"What?" Merlin despairs, stomping towards them. "I was right there, Arthur. He didn't murder me."

The look on Arthur's face suggests he didn't even think of that, but now thinks it's exactly what Kilgharrah is planning to do.

"Are you absolutely certain this man is your brother, Merlin? You don't even look alike!"

What the hell does Kilgharrah look like?

Merlin clenches his jaw, obviously not wanting to lie. "I'm certain of it, Arthur. My father mentioned him before he was killed and there is absolutely no way Kilgharrah could be anyone else. He's the only person I've ever met with amber eyes." 

Apparently Kilgharrah has amber eyes.

"What colour is my hair?" Kilgharrah budges in.

Merlin gives him a considering look, then wistfully says, "Brown. But not dark, just a little darker than Arthur's hair."

"Fascinating," Kilgharrah whispers, a little wondrous. "What about my nose? Is it big or small?"

Merlin tilts his head, "It's long, like you'd expect it to be, considering you're-"

Arthur clears his throat rather dramatically, then says, "I don't think I've ever said this to anyone, but you are a lot stranger than Merlin."

Of course, though, that little comment causes both Kilgharrah and Merlin to freeze up and glance at each other guiltily.

Kilgharrah, the hero he is, sticks his finger in the air and shouts, "To Camelot!" He then proceeds to stomp away, hoping everyone will follow him.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Merlin calls, like they're about to go on the greatest adventure of their lives.

Maybe they are.

———

They're almost to the city gates when Merlin leans into Kilgharrah's personal space whispering, "If you're planning on staying with me and Gaius, you'll have to use the patient cot, and that's really not comfortable."

"Then I can make my own nest, it's not too difficult."

Merlin splutters for some odd reason, raising his voice to an annoyingly high pitch. "You are not building a nest in Gaius's chambers!"

"Why the hell would he build a nest in Gaius's chambers?" Arthur mutters quietly.

"I have no idea, sire," the Knight replies just as quietly.

Kilgharrah glares at them.

"Don't you have a nest you sleep in, Merlin? Why would I not be allowed to build my own?"

Merlin gives him a hard look, one that says what he is talking about is really stupid and might get them in trouble.

"Do you mean an actual nest or what the rest of us humans call a bed?"

"What the hell is a bed?" Kilgharrah asks, bewildered.

Merlin groans.

"You know what? Never mind. We'll just figure it out when we get to Camelot."

———

Kilgharrah prances his way through the city gates, trying to hide how uncomfortable he is with a dopey smile. He has to try really hard to stay positive, because the last time he was here, he destroyed half of the city. The time before that, he'd been chained in a cold wet cave below the castle for 20 plus years.

He can't help the clench of his jaw or the way his eyes harden, feeling the raging furnace inside of him beg to come out.

Just think of Merlin, he tells himself, with that contagious smile and happy bubble that always seems to be around him. Even though Kilgharrah knows exactly how misleading that bubble can be.

Ugh.

The raging furnace in him starts to tingle his skin and he knows if he doesn't calm down very soon and very quickly, everyone around him will turn into meat puddles on the stone beneath them.

"Merlin, do you have any rocks?"

It may have come out a little forced. He hasn't stress eaten in years, but he thinks he deserves it after everything.

"Rocks? Why do you need rocks?" Merlin asks, perplexed.

"A snack, of course. I haven't had anything to eat since that sheep three days ago."

Merlin stops walking and stares at Kilgharrah as if he were completely insane.

"You eat rocks?"

"Yes?"

Silence.

"Do you have them or not, Merlin? You're making me feel like an idiot."

"That's because people don't eat rocks, Kilgharrah."

"What on Earth do you eat then, other than living creatures?"

Merlin gives him a look that says Kilgharrah is stupid. He doesn't like it.

"Have you seriously never eaten a plant before?"

Ew. No.

"Plants? Merlin, my body needs more nutrients than any plant can supply."

Right then, Merlin's face turns one hundred different levels of mischievous.

"You're not yourself right now, remember? You need to eat what the rest of us eat."

Kilgharrah shakes his head.

"No. Merlin, I refuse to eat leaves for the rest of my life."

———

Kilgharrah cannot believe he had just put a piece of lettuce in his mouth. It tastes like crunchy water with a hint of grass. It takes all of Kilgharrah's strength to not gag and spit it back out of his throat.

Somehow he forgot that he was supposed to be angry at the world but Merlin, the little rat, was getting an obvious joy out of this, howling with laughter while slapping the table they were sat at in Gaius' chambers. How could he be mad after this?

And, of course, that is when the physician himself walks through the door.