The Tailors Artist [Guardian Shen Wei X Zhao Yunlan]

Ch. 13 Tired & Sick

Zhujio called to say he was coming back. And as if everyone was in contact with him the maids also knew it and started treating me nicely.

Zhujio came home and had lunch with me, I asked how his trip went and he said it was okay then moments of silence came.

I packed away his suitcase and smelled fire.

When I looked out the window I saw Zhujio had burned the garden. I rushed downstairs nearly slipping and witnessed as he took everything out and started to throw the wine bottles into the wall and break with a bat all the watches he bought me then ripped the art pieces and books I made.

I watched it all go unable to do anything. "Just what do you want me to say? What do you want me to do? Why aren't you satisfied? What does love mean to you? I've never bothered you about anything so why do you keep wanting to break me when I'm about to grab a string of hope? Should I not be okay? Do you want me to be in constant fear? Everything I do is as if I'm dead!" I said digging into my skin trying to express myself that I feel suffocated and I want air.

I then realized that Zhujio is poison yet he acts like a drug. I want to get away but I can't. He is like quicksand, before you know it your getting pulled down to your death.

"....Maybe that's the problem. You never want me to stay. You never suggest a trip. You never ask about me. Its always me asking...you. Everything you do is out of my control! I can't tell what your thinking or what you want. Now every time I come here! There's always something new, " Zhujio said.

"..haa? I'm the problem? You want me to ask you to stop sleeping around? To divorce your wife? For me to meet your children? If you loved me why's you do it? Why don't you do it? I'm literally here everyday waiting for you. I'm seconds away from answering anything you ask! I'm seconds away from listening to you" I said.

"You know I can't do that! It's work! What would everyone say if they found out about you!?" Asked Zhujio.

"Work? If you weren't willing to change anything then Why did you ask me to beg you to? Your ashamed of me anyway. Wouldn't it be suspicious if you spent time here?" I asked.

Zhujio swung a beer bottle he was drinking to my face, "SHEN WEI!! Are you trying to break things up with me?"

".....I'm not supposed to ask you to love me. Marriage wasn't about me needing to try to get your attention. " I said spitting blood and holding my bruised cheek.

"Yezhun, has recovered. Go live by yourself. There's plenty of people that can satisfy me without me asking" said Zhujio giving me the keys to his car.

"It's not like that's all there was between us. In the beginning I asked if you were okay...and you said it was my job to endure it all. How much was I supposed to? You asked about what I did all day, asked who I hanged out with, asked how I felt when someone else brushed against my shoulder but you never asked how I am? You didn't question why I needed therapy. You never help me recover from any wound! I just wanted to love you since marriage was an eternity but I hate you...." I said before continuing " and for your information. I never had time to think about someone else when all that was on my mind was you"

"Wei..." Zhujio whispered as he put his hand on my bruised cheek looking in pain.

I avoided his eyes and then looked up again to meet his.

"....you might've enchanted me. And we should've just been strangers to each other. Even if I spent all these years with you I still found you a mystery. How about we forget it all? " Asked Zhujio as he cleared my tears from my eyes.

My mouth must've been sealed because I couldn't say anything. What in the world was there left unsaid? What was there left to be discovered? What wasn't obvious to him?

He...saw me reading books. It should've meant I like them. He asked what I read. I said biographies. It should've translated to me being a realistic person.

Why doesn't he know how my palms look when I know just how often he cuts his nails.

Why now? After everything...
He took all my firsts, he was the first! To say 'I love you' yet he's also the first to say 'It was a mistake' and the one that doesn't have anything to loose.

Just what was all that acceptance!?

"My wife...she's always nagging me. It's annoying. She gets mad when I'm not there when she wakes up. She throws tantrums every time she finds I got someone else pregnant. No matter how much I ignore her she keeps following me trying to make me smile. I'm not sure if I'm trying to compare her to you. But she would've never been able to say beginning because there is no difference between 20 years ago and now like you. Maybe we both need a break? In a couple days I'll send Yezhun here." Said Zhujio snatching the keys from my hands and driving out after ruffling my hair.

I plopped down to the ground on my knees and stared into nothing. After the maids were done extinguishing the fire and throwing everything to the trash they got me up to my room.

I locked the door and laid in the bed without anymore thoughts. I just found it hard to breath.

This night only I ignored my bloody cheek and scratched arms.

I just felt tired but when I thought about it all over again like a movie in replay I rushed to the bathroom and vomited.

Slept by the bathtub.