To Let Her Go

reminicing

Skylar's P.O.V

*4 months after Harper's death*

Packing boxes on a Saturday felt draining. Not like the past four months but it definitely was a lot. I still had to pack some of my favorite books and some other materials but my slow pace made the packing more longer than necessary.

Ashley was coming by in about half an hour the least and I was not even half way through my packing. Ash had been nothing but supportive for the past two years,and I don't think I would've made it where I am today if it wasn't for her support.

She said I should put Harper's things in one box but I knew one box would not be enough. This apartment was full with her stuff. I went to open her closet, uneasy and scared I would break down again.
As soon as I opened the doors I saw something fall on the floor. I grabbed it , the yoda squishmallow plush that I got her on our first date.

********************************************

Flashback to first date

My hands were sweaty on the way to her house and hell was I nervous. I was mentally practicing how I would ask her out tonight. My plan was to take her to a festival that was two hours away. Then ask her to officially be my girlfriend before the night was over.

That was why I was feeling more nervous tonight. I had on a grey hoodie, a black ripped jeans pants, and a black & white nike shoes. After changing about five times before finally deciding which outfit to use I locked my apartment and headed out. I was just some minutes away from my lover's house and I had already took one too many glances of my face on the front mirror while I drove.

I pulled over to Harper's house, stopped the car and checked my clock. It was 6:50 o'clock, ten minutes earlier than the original time we set for this date. 'Damn it she'll think I'm desperate' I said to myself. I parked infront of her house and internally argued with myself on whether or not I should go knock on her door already.
Five minutes later I decided to walk to her door. Two soft knocks and some mere 15 seconds passed till' she opened the door.

Harper was standing there looking gorgeous as ever. She had on a short jeans pants with a white crop top. I stood there not sure of how long exactly, before she brought me back to reality.
"Hey, someone's early" she grinned as she rapidly closed the door behind her.
I cleared my throat before nervously answering,
"Um, yes. You look stunning"
"Thank you, you look great aswell cutie" she told me with a sincere smile.
I immediately felt my cheeks heat up and I turned my face to hide the obvious blush.

"I love watching you blush" she laughed a little while walking to my car.
"Well you have that effect on me lover" It felt right to call her lover. I gave her that pet name since we started texting. It seemed to fit quite perfectly, and I knew she loved it. Now I could tell she was blushing since I had never called her that in person before.
"and by the looks of it I have the same effect on you." I laughed lightly as I opened the car door for her.

"Shut up" she said playfully as I closed the door making my way to the drivers seat.
I started the car and we were on our way to our first date night.

Your parents weren't home?" I asked her.
"Um, just mom I told her I'd be out and my brother is in his room, dad's working tonight." she stated.
"Oh okay, then I hope you did let them know I'll take good care of you " I told her as I looked at her and winked before turning my eyes back on the road.

"So where are we going?" She said changing the subject? I thought but brushed it off it was probably nothing.

"It's a surprise" I said,
"Come on pleaseeeee" she said with a frown.
"You're too cute but no, You'll see just wait" I grinned.
"Pretty pleaseeeee?" She said causing me to smirk .
"No, don't make that puppy face" I laughed a little as I glanced at her from the front view mirror.

"You're no fair" she pouted.
'This woman drives me crazy with the tiniest things I swear' I thought to myself.
"Why are you smiling like that?, you evil thing" she glared at me.
I laughed loudly before answering,
"because I think you're really cute and because of how impatient you can be"
"Whatever" she said before rolling her eyes at me. I laughed and connected my phone to the car radio playing a chill playlist I loved listening to.

Billie Eilish's 'my strange addiction' started playing, I lowered the volume so I could have conversations with Harper on the way.

My heart was still beating louder just at a slower pace but I felt so much peace and happiness being in that car with her.
"am I?" She asked making me look at her briefly,
"are you what?" I asked confused
"Your strange addiction?" She asked and look at me attentively,
"Hmm, you are strange and you are an addiction I can never get enough of, so yeah" she slapped me playfully but laughed at my jokes as usual.

We spent the rest of the trip talking about everything and nothing at the same time but mostly vibing to my slow music. She loved Billie Eilish, Halsey, Ali Gatie,and Tate Mcrae  as much as I did so the playlist went on smoothly.
"Wasn't that hard was it?"I said rolling my eyes at her, she looked at me but before she could say anything I stopped the car making her instantly look upfront.

Her expression changed, she had on an amused look and she smiled widely. I knew she loved amusement parks, all the food and the games but not the crazy rides.
"I know you don't like the rides but we can do the other fun stuff". I took a quick glance at her before taking the keys off the ignition lock.

"I'd go on the rides with you but promise you'll keep me safe!" She said with a panicky voice.
"With my life" I told her smiling at her. I ran to the passenger side and opened her door offering her my hand.
"You're really the gentle woman" she said smiling and grabbing my hand. I locked the doors with the key fob and grabbed her hand as we made our way to the gates.

"Where do you wanna go first?" I asked her.
"Food" she said looking at me with a huge grin.
"Well, whatever you want haha" I laughed and pulled her through the crowd to beach burger, a small stall, and sat beside her. I ordered hamburgers, crinkle fries,and pepsi for the both of us.

She ate her burger and the remaining fries in just a few minutes. I looked at her with surprise and gaiety.
"What do I have something on my lips?" She said as she wiped her mouth off with a napkin
"No, you just eat really fast" I told her smiling.
"Oh sorry I was starving!" she said exaggeratedly.

"No it's actually a good view" I told her as I stood up and walked over to the trash can to throw our garbage away, I barely ate,like always.
"Okay so now?" I asked her excitedly,
"Let's go play some games, we don't wanna' vomit by going to the rides right away" she said.

"Yes ma'm" I told her saluting her knowing it would piss her off a bit. She pushed me lightly before saying,
"Don't say that".
We walked over to a game and I saw her jump in excitement as soon as she saw a yoda stuffed toy.
Whac-A- Mole was the game,and I decided to get her that yoda.
I paid for a turn and started hitting the plastic moles with the mallet. Each time it was harder because the moles popped out faster. Harper kept squealing and jumping with excitement beside me.

The game ended and I managed to win,
"Which toy would you like?" The owner asked me.
"The yoda please" I said, the man then handed me the toy and I gave it to harper.
Her smile was warm and I felt my heart jump a bit, I let out a sigh and enjoyed the sight of Harper for a few seconds.

********************************************
Flashback over

Without even realizing it I felt tear drops on my hand. I was still holding the yoda squishmallow and my eyes were watery. After realizing how blurry my sight was I lifted my hand and wiped the tears off my face. It was no use I still felt the tears coming and I couldn't fight them back. I just squeezed the yoda more and felt my breath being cut short by the second.

That's when I heard a voice, it was Ashley who walked into the room.
"Hey I was calling you on my way, are you ready to..." she stopped as soon as she realized how bad I looked.
"Oh, my love it's okay" she said racing towards me. She embraced me in a hug as I broke down in her arms feeling hurt all over again.
"Why did she have to die?, she was everything to me.... I miss her so fucking much " I said between soul deep sobs.
"I know, I know" was all Ashley said as she held me tighter.