VxBTS-Voices

Part 42

"So."

"So...."

Taehyung's eyes briefly glanced over the living room. Not much had changed since he left.

Their pictures were gone. All of them, that he could see. He wished he had time to save those.

"You invited me here. Why?"

Yoongi shifted on the couch uncomfortably, fiddling with the multitude of rings decorating his fingers, "I-I wanted to talk."

"You gonna ignore me for weeks after again? Last time we 'talked', you didn't talk to me again until Jimin made you."

"He didn't make me. It was a suggestion."

He snorted. Jimin had told him what he said, word for word, "Jimin doesn't make suggestions. He orders."

"I-" Yoongi lifted his head, frowning, "I'm hotheaded."

"I'm aware."

"And stubborn. And I hadn't gone to my therapy sessions or anger management in way too long. Since before you left. That's why...yeah. I-I'm quick to judge, I don't think before I speak, or think before I act. If I'm wrong, I don't admit it. I just get angrier because I don't like being wrong. I ignore my problems and push them onto other people whenever I get a chance."

"Yoongi. I don't-"

Yoongi shakily took in a breath, before he looked back down at his hands, "I'm not saying that to excuse myself. That'd be stupid. I know you know all of that. You know me better then anyone."

"I used to know you better then anyone. I thought I did, at least."

"I said that...I said that because that's what's on my mind. My therapist told me to stop pushing that shit down. To try to talk it out."

"I thought you said you haven't gone?"

"I said I hadn't gone in a long time. I started a few weeks ago. He also said that he knows I feel guilty."

"Do you?"

"I do." Yoongi mumbled, "And I don't want to. I deserve to, I know that. I know that I fucked up. I know that I'm an asshole. I know that I deserve to be hit by a train. I know."

"Maybe the train part is exaggerating a bit. Just a small bus."

Yoongi snorted, "Yeah." He cleared his throat, "I can't go back in time, or change what I said and did. As much as I want to, I can't"

"Yoongi."

He stayed quiet.

"I'm so angry at you. So beyond angry."

Yoongi's head dipped further down.

"But I'm more hurt. I trusted you, with everything. I gave you everything. I'd have jumped off a bridge if you asked. I loved you guys more then anything I'm the world. I loved you so much that sometimes it hurt. None of you even let me explain. It was a fucking misunderstanding that almost put me back on the streets. I'm so fucking sorry that I was drugged. I'm so fucking sorry that some stranger took advantage of me. I'm so fucking sorry that I trusted you enough to take care of me. That was a mistake."

"Taehyung-"

"No. You don't have a fucking right to speak right now. You will never understand what it's like to have the people you love most fucking dump you on the streets like it's nothing. To look at you like you're the most disgusting person on the planet, because of something you had no control of."

He had stood at this point, pacing around the familiar living room with his hands tugging at his hair.

Yoongi kept his mouth shut, but his hands itched to hug and reassure and punch himself as hard as he could.

"It took me a whole year to stop waking up fucking screaming, because your hand was on my throat, squeezing, threatening me and telling me that I didn't deserve to live. Your voice always in the back of my head, telling me that I'm worthless, nothing but a cheating whore. You guys have no fucking clue what you did to me. How many hours I spent locked in my room, skipping my therapy sessions because I couldn't fucking get myself out of bed."

He laughed harshly, swallowing past the lump I his throat, "I wonder where I'd be right now of Jimin and Hoseok hadn't came to talk to me."

"I can't-"

"You know what's really pathetic though?" Taehyung asked, mostly to himself. Yoongi shook his head, "It's really pathetic that through everything, I still love you guys. When Jimin and Hoseok came up to me, I was scared, but I was also happy. When Jimin took me out, I tried to pretend not to care, but I was beyond ecstatic. And then Hoseok, and Namjoon, and now Jungkook. I should fucking hate you all. I'm angry as hell, but I can't fucking hate you."

"Taehyung, please sit down. Calm down, you're going to-"

"Going to what, Yoongi? What am I going to do?"

"I-I don't know, have a panic attack? You're hyperventilating, and flushed, and you look like you're freaking the fuck out!"

"Maybe I am freaking the fuck out! I'm alone, in my old house, with one of the people who I'm terrified of!"

"Please don't be scared of me," Yoongi said quietly, fingers curled in an attempt to stop himself from reaching out, "I-I won't lay a hand on you. I won't near you, I promise."

"I can't fucking trust you Yoongi."

"I'm not asking you to trust me, I know that's not going to happen. I just don't want you to hurt yourself or-or...I don't know. Just please, sit down. Take a deep breath, let me get you some water."

Taehyung stopped pacing slowly, before he plopped down on the oh-so-familiar armchair and buried his head in his hands. He didn't look up when he heard Yoongi walk away, into the kitchen. He didn't look up when he heard Yoongi come back and place a glass in front of him. Or when Yoongi sat back down and cleared his throat.

"Taehyung," Yoongi said softly, when buzzing interrupted the awkward silence, "Jimin's calling you."

Taehyung looked up, and stuck his hand out for his phone. He flinched when Yoongi's hand brushed against his.

"Thanks," He muttered.

"Drink some water, please."

He nodded.

-

1038 words hoes

Would you guys care if I posted my new hobby of jewelry making in my art book?

Also sorry if this chapter seems rushed, it is lmfao. Currently writing this hidden under my blanket while my mom yells at me to hang out with family that I've been hanging out with for 5 days straight

Stay safe and healthy <3

Anyways, bye bye <33!!