One direction

sad shots

They say time heals pain. The only thing time has done to me is added age. The pain has never died. Some days are easier than others but then there are days that it is too hard to breath because of the unbearable pain, like today.

Every Monday I never work. This is the one time a week where I can't help myself from feeling or thinking about the past. When I am at work I don't have time to stop and think and when I get home I'm too tired to care. Monday morning I wake up with a sore heart, it's like it knows the daily routine now.

I get up early; I cry over old photos, the silly ones the bed ones and especially the wedding ones. I light a few candles and place them in some favourite places around the house. I then sort myself a little bit just so I can see clearly through my eyes. I have some breakfast and then get in the car.

I take the same route every time, it's purposely designed so I don't have to pass things that will make me upset. When I arrive to the destination I seek I wait in the car. Not for long, just long enough for me to get ready for the emotions that will come. I grab the bunch of flowers in the passenger seat and make my way out of the car.

The gate is always open for my arrival, the old rusty metal wires rubs on my jeans, leaving a dark brownish, orange line like it does every time I'm here. I walk down the cobbled walkway with my shoulders slouched. I trip over the large rock sticking out of the ground signalling the walkway is now gravelled.

I look around and see lots of familiar faces, some who I have come to know greatly but others I'm still yet to learn their secrets. My feet automatically turn right till I find the one I am looking for.

I stand quietly, paying my respects to him because he deserves it. Before I allow tears to sting my eyes I walk up to him and give him my flowers. For 5 years I have come and done this. For 5 years I have had to come and see the love of my life so far away.

"How are you?" I whispered.

I receive the same response I get every time, silence. I sit down in front of him and tell him how my week has been. Even now he waits till I'm finished talking to have his turn. The wind rustles around us, people come and go past but to us there is no one else.

I stand up; my heart knows it's time to leave so it stings.

"I'll you this time next week babe." I blow him a kiss. "I love you so much." I quickly left so he wouldn't have to see my tears.

Niall James Horan

Loved Son, Brother, Best Friend and Husband

You will be missed.

R.I.P