𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 - 𝐍.𝐇

three

"He's with another girl," I say to my therapist

I booked an appointment with her the day after I found out about it, I needed someone to talk to about it, like someone professional. I couldn't exactly go to Lou as he'd say

"forget Niall, he doesn't matter anymore to you, no shade to Niall just remember what he did to you"

Lou was so pissed at Niall when he found out.

If I went to Harry he'd give some big speech about self-love and about learning to love myself, not that I don't love the speeches but when they are literally the same every time it's hard to listen to them without reciting them with him

If I went to Zayn I'm not sure if Niall would still be alive like Lou was pissed at Niall but Zayn was PISSED!

Liam, I feel like would try and help by asking me out for a coffee to help but it would take my mind off it for a bit

"And that annoys you? Don't you think you're being a little toxic here?" She asks me

"Yes I sound toxic but I don't think I'm annoyed I think I'm just scared he's going to leave again," I tell her with desperation in my voice

"Again?"

"Yeah again, at the beginning of James's life he wasn't here, he wouldn't visit him, he wouldn't see me, he wouldn't text me then one day he shows up at my house after months asking if he can see James" I explain the situation "I obviously started an argument which I think I had every right to because who just disappears in a kids life then comes back as nothing happened"

"And how involved is Niall in James's life now?" She asks

"A lot, he goes there every day after school but because he's on his school holidays at the moment he just chooses where ever he wants to be, most of the time he wants to be with Niall anyway," I recount to her "We're actually going to Ireland tomorrow as a family"

"Is the girl coming with you?" She asks me

I make a confused face while thinking after she said that "I don't think so, I hope not"

She raises her eyebrows at me

"I obviously don't mean it in a bad way I just thought it was going to be me, Niall and James. I'm pretty sure it's just us...you've made me overthink this now!"

"Right I'm sorry" She chuckles "How long are you going?"

"About for 4 days, we don't want to be gone too long, James doesn't like being from home for too long that's why holidays are quite hard for us. Niall and I would want to go to Greece or something like that for a week but James could never last a week there and we can't exactly leave him while we're on holiday so we have to stick to places he knows" I over-explain, I could have just stopped at '4 days'

We talked more about small inconveniences in my life that were irritating me until my session time was up

"Remember if you need to talk even when you are away you can always call to book a little appointment over the phone alright," She told me with her usual warm smile on her face

"Thank you and I'll keep this in mind," I tell her before waving her goodbye and heading to my car. I shuffle my playlist and drive home

As soon as I enter the front door I get a text from Niall

From Niall:

When should I pack?

To Niall:

You haven't packed?!

From Niall:

You have?

I rub my eyes in slight frustration

To Niall:

Pack now.

From Niall:

Aggressive

I ignored his comment

To Niall:

I'll pack James stuff now

I close the door finally and grab a suitcase from our attic

It was the same one I packed my stuff to go to Germany in

I had a little moment before I shrugged it off and began packing James's things. I always hated packing that why when I went to Germany I has Niall help me.

Every time I put in a new outfit for James, I'd stare at it and overthink it. Let's say I packed a random top and some jeans.

James is all for being a creative and loud child so he wouldn't go for anything plain like a blue t-shirt so I'd have to go for something he likes that is colourful. Louis and James made some tie-dye shirts when I went out, God I thought I was going to have a heart attack at the sight of the house. Yeah, a tie-dye shirt. It's colourful and it will remind James of his favourite uncle, something that Louis and Harry fight about a lot.

But he's not a fan of jeans, for a three-year-old, he's so picky with his clothes. He says he doesn't like the feeling of jeans on his legs? How does that make any sense? HE'S THREE! Okay, so no jeans but nothing looks nice with a tie-dye shirt than jeans. Shorts? Nope, he'll cry about it being cold. Joggers? Won't look right. This is when I finally resort to a tracksuit. Have a guess who brought him that? Actually no, guess how many he brought him? SEVEN! SEVEN TRACKSUITS! WHY?!