𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 - 𝐍.𝐇

five

"We're going to the beach" Niall told me

I just stared at him and blinked quickly

"Niall" I say

"Yeah?" He drags out

"I just woke up and you want to go to the beach?"

"Yes, we can just mess around you know, jump in the sea, have fun. Obviously later, the sea is cold but we can sit there and talk"

I just groaned at him and placed a pillow over my face hoping to die

Niall actually stood there and waited until I said something

"We can't go"

He looked confused and questioned why,

"Because we have James now, we can't just 'mess around'. What if we're playing around in the sea and something happens?" I explain

"What would happen to him?" Niall asked like nothing could go wrong with a three-year-old

"I can go through multiple things that could happen to him, he could get hurt from something in the sea. He'll do a kid thing and eat sand and then he'll get ill. He's can't swim and what if it suddenly gets rough and it pulls him out? There are so many more things"

Niall just stared. I had proven him wrong

"If anything happened to him, I'd lose my mind" I told him finally getting out of bed

As soon as I puffed up my pillow he spoke

"You don't think I would too?"

No, we're not doing this

"Don't start. He's still sleeping" I tell him with a hint of annoyance

"Let's talk somewhere else then"

"No, we're not having this conversation" I say walking to the other side of the double bed and moving the other pillow

"Why not?" He follows me around

"I'll say something I'll regret" I make the bed.

"Just say it. You've already hurt me before-" Niall metaphorically pushed me to my edge

"No! No, do NOT bring him into this and do NOT guilt-trip me!" I shouted hoping I hadn't awoken James

"Sorry, I just- I just want everything to be like it used to be you know, me and you, doing something random and me laughing while you feeling so proud of yourself about it. I miss that"

Was he saying what I think he was saying?

No, I was hearing it wrong

or was I?

I haven't said anything in 5 seconds, I look weird

Say something!

"Let's go to the beach" I blurt out

===============

I had been pretty quiet since he said that, he was trying to defuse the tension by saying random things and trying to involve me in his and James's little sand castle empire they were building but I told him I wasn't feeling too well

It was kind of true, you know when something hits you, your stomach feels off and there nothing you can really but wait for it to go away. That how it felt but it wasn't going away anytime soon

I was thinking everything through and why this was happening

Okay, Niall and I divorced 3 years ago, during that time I've been 2 people, a guy called Julian, didn't work out and Liam, Liam Payne. Somehow kept that out of the media. Niall has been with no one until now, which makes me feel scared not jealous because I don't want him to forget James. I have began to like Niall in the past few days but it could just be a passing crush?

"Mummy! Mummy look at my castle it's so good and Daddy's is bad"

James's is a mess but it's good for a three-year-old, I look at Niall and he's beaming James, he looks so happy

"Darling! That's so good!"

I wasn't sure who I was talking to now

Back to my train of thought. Niall practically admitted this morning that he wants us to be something again. But he's got a girlfriend and I'm his ex wife who he has a child with

"You alright?" Niall touched my shoulder while crouching down a little, pulling out of my trance once again

"Yeah just uh, tired." I lie to him, he saw right through me

He looks back to check on James but he's just making more sand castles, before sitting next me

"You always say you're tired when you're upset, I won't ask why you're upset because I know why and I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I shouldn't bring Liam into anything, he's my best friend and I shouldn't use him like that and uh, me saying that you hurt me was so wrong of me because I was the one who hurt you, what I did was never right. I shouldn't have gone out anywhere with her because she never has good intentions so I'm really, really sorry about that"

I smiled at him and wanted to him it was alright but he hurt me bad and i couldn't just forgive him like that. Also it hurt talking about that night but it isn't something we can ignore and pretend it never happened, I hated him so much

The only thing that hasn't moved on are these feelings

I don't think this is just a passing crush anymore...