𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 - 𝐍.𝐇

nine

authors note: AHHHHH LOOK AT THEM!!

The entirety of my boring, uneventful day was spent pacing up and down my house contemplating if I should tell him how I feel. If he doesn't like me back we can just get past it, we're adults not children anymore. But what if it ruins everything and he cut contact with me and only talks when he wants to see James. He wouldn't do that. Niall wouldn't. Would trying again be a good idea? He kissed me while still in a relationship, he cheated. He's still a cheater

So many thoughts ran through my head, some were childish and things primary children did when their boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with them and some were what adults do. But I was so worried and terrified about what he'd say to me

I no longer felt in control of my body and the loudest thought running through my busy mind was

Fuck it?

Unconsciously, I picked up my phone and called Louis to look after James, he didn't take long to arrive. He arrived with a large smile on his face, with Harry. I invited them in and James was instantly excited to see them. He called them 'Uncle Louis' and 'Uncle Hazza'. It was the cutest. We chatted for a bit, I mostly using this time to think about what I'd say to Niall before leaving, Lou and Harry were both confused about what I was doing as I just kept telling them "I'll tell you when I come home" when they asked repeatedly

I always loved the fact Niall was never too far away from me and James, it was convenient when I had to go somewhere important. Luckily there was no bad traffic so it didn't take long to arrive at Niall's apartment. Once I parked I felt a weird emotion overcome me, I have been trying to ignore him for a week now and me showing up out of the blue would be weird.

Maybe I should turn back

But I had already driven here.

Sitting there I still thought things through but in the end, I knew how I was feeling, I knew I still loved Niall and I wanted to tell him no matter his reaction

Once again I felt as if someone else was in control of my body like I was being mind-controlled to tell him. Every step I took made my heart race faster. In a blink I was in front of Niall's door, my heart could have exploded at this point

KNOCK KNOCK

Almost instantly, I regretted that decision and I fled to the stairs in the second I would have gotten away if I didn't stop when I heard,

"(Y/N?)" Niall's voice called out to me, I closed my eyes and hoped for the best. That was all I could hope for right now. I slowly spun around and answered

"Hiya, I didn't think you were in that's why I was leaving" I fake smiled so he'd buy it, and he did

"Well, I'm here so what did you need?" He asked with his always cheery face

You

"I was wondering if we could talk real quick," I told him quickly, I was surprised he even heard me. I swore the blood drained from his face and he turned as white as a sheet when I said that but he still accepted and let me in. He directed me towards the couch and he threw himself on there while I calmly sat

My eyes made it's way to the ceiling as I tried to form the sentences in my head that I wanted to tell him. But nothing sounded right.

I love you

No, it's too forward and fast. I have a habit of doing that.

I still like you

Not the right words to explain it. I didn't just like him.

Maybe we can try again?

Perfect. It felt right

"You alright there, doll?" Niall chuckled a little. Doll. I like that name. I nodded and then told him with my heart racing faster than Niki Lauda and sweat forming on my forehead

"I was wondering if..." I started, taking a deep breath "Maybe we can try again?"

Regret quickly settled in when he didn't answer after a few seconds. He's just processing what I said. More seconds passes and I thought I was going to cry

"No" Niall blurted out "I don't want to"

My lips and chin began trembling, I blinked quickly to remove my tears and I opened my mouth to speak but it felt like my throat was closing up as a lump formed

"I'm so sorry, but in this week of you've been ignoring me I've gotten a lot closer Kate and I realised we have so much in common which we never had and she makes me very happy"

Tears had fallen at this point and I could taste them all the rolled onto my lips

"But, the kiss?" My voice sounded thick and it breaking. Stop you sound weak, don't cry. Niall liked strong people. I guess that was Kate then.

"I was confused about my feelings, I love being with you and I think at that moment I was overwhelmed by the memories we had there so in the heat of the moment I kissed you. Also, we were drunk and I wasn't thinking straight at all"

No no. Please stop talking

"But when you left I reflected on my feelings and realised I didn't think of you like that anymore but as my friend"

No, please.

"And I want us to be and if you need some space at first to get over your feeling I completely understand. But I don't want to be in a relationship with you, we drifted apart for a good reason"

Was there ever a good reason to drift apart?

My mouth moved as if I were speaking but nothing at all came out, I could not do anything this time

My whole body was shaking at the last sentence, it destroyed me.

we drifted apart for a good reason

The one person I was in love with so much didn't love me or even like me the same way I did

I just closed my eyes tightly but I could still see the light of Niall's lamp shining onto my eyelids and faintly seeing his silhouette and I bit my lip causing it to bleed profusely but pretended it never happened

I guess we couldn't try again.