Walking After You | Dave Grohl

thirteen

13.

IT MUST'VE BEEN AROUND 9'oclock in the morning. Both Dave and Nessa had woken up a long time ago, but they hadn't dared to move a muscle, preferring to remain under the warm blankets, legs lazily entangled and naked skin touching.

Nessa's hand traced a path from his side to the middle of his chest, focusing on the movements of his relaxed breathing. And Dave absorbed the scent of her cocoa shampoo, face buried on the crook of her neck, and one of his hands slowly running up and down her naked thigh.

They laid in silence, just enjoying each other's presence, both seeming to feel perfectly and peacefully at ease. But Nessa's heart ached secretly as she thought about the boy lying beside her. The boy she was growing to love despite all of her barriers and fears, and the one that would be leaving in just a couple of days.

I will never truly have him, she thought sorrowfully as her fingertips softly scratched his skinny torso.

Dave sighed deeply, content with the feeling of her touch over his skin. "What's going through here?" he asked with his voice still deep and dry from the sleep, tapping her forehead softly with the tip of his index finger.

Nessa looked up at him and shrugged. There was no use in pretending that nothing was worrying her, and there was also no use in lying. Dave could read right through her, and Nessa was also frankly growing tired of fighting against herself and her own feelings.

"I was just thinking about something"

Dave slid his index finger down the side of her face, pushing her small curls away from her cheek. "Wanna share?" he asked, "I can see it's bothering you"

Nessa sighed and closed her eyes again. Her problem was simple, and explaining it would be too. The true difficulty would be dealing with it and understanding what it all meant.

"I was just thinking of how good our time together has been," she whispered quietly. "It will be pretty hard to be away from you once you're gone," She tried to mask how much the fact that he was leaving was wrecking her, but the trembling in her voice promptly gave her away.

Dave's chest became heavier and he circled her body tighter with his arms, pulling her even closer to him. Nessa remained with her eyelids shut, enjoying the most of his warmth while she could. She was vulnerable and he could feel it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her hair.

Despite their awkward position, Nessa hugged him back as tightly as she could. Something in his voice said he needed that embrace just as much as she did.

"For what?"

"For not being able to stay," Dave sighed with sorrow. "I wish I didn't have to leave so soon. Sometimes it's like my life is divided into two apparently irreconcilable worlds and every time I leave one of them, it's like I'm leaving a part of me behind"

Nessa ran her fingers through his hair, brushing through the stringy strands, slowly and with affection in each caress. "I wouldn't want you to stay," she said, biting the inside of her cheek. "You're happier out there, doing what you love. That's what you were made to do"

"I'm happy here with you too," he mumbled, his voice muffled against her neck and hair. Dave's hot breath made her skin tremble, and she took a long breath. "I wish I could have both"

"My whole life is here," Nessa struggled to form a sentence when Dave's raspy lips touched the curve between her shoulder and neck. "Yours is out there in the world. I would go with you if our realities were different"

"I have thought about it, you know?" he breathed against her skin and Nessa nodded, knowing exactly what he meant, because she had already done the same. "Selfishly, of course. But I have imagined what it would be like to have you there with me. To see you every day"