Lovely
10:54pm
we were in the room on the bed and he was massagin my back.
"you deadass or like you jus playin." he said.
"yup." i muffled.
"yup what...yup you deadass or yup you was playin."
i sat up and looked at him. "im deadass shoota."
"how."
"nigga what."
did this nigga jus say how? how?....OUT OF ANYTHING THIS NIGGA SAID HOW?
"how you know dat."
"i jus know."
"nah tell me."
i wrapped the rob around me and sat crisscross in front of him.
"ever since we were little all you've ever did was protect me. you showed me the definition of tough love."
he jus looked at me. soakin in everything i was sayin.
"who was there for me when my dad died? you."
when my father passed away i didn't come back to school for a good month. shoota was the one that held me down. shoota was the one that dragged me out of bed to at least go for a walk.
"who was there when i fell into depression? you."
he was there for my breakdowns and all that shit. he's seen me at my lowest and never turned his back on me. ofc he was still annoying asf and we argued but he cared when no one else did.
"who was there at my graduation with flowers n balloons? you."
it's funny cuz he graduated in the morning and i graduated at night. so he didn't really get a chance to celebrate his graduation. he literally went home changed prolly joked around and got dressed, picked up my flowers and balloons. just to see me walk the stage and get my diploma. i didn't see how effort much that took till now.
"who was there when i needed him? you were. and i might sound cheesy but you helped me bring the most handsome babyboy into this world. you had the man that shot me killed. and killed the man that put his hands on me. you risked gettin yourself killed and put in jail for me and alegend's protection. but you gon sit here and question if i love you or not?"
"but that's regular shit tho ma."
"but you did it without a hesitation. you did it without anyone telling you to do it. you jus did it. and didn't give af what would happen to you."
he was jus lookin at me. but he was different he looked a lot softer than ever. i crawled over to him and put my legs over his.
"so yes i'm deadass when i said i love you. i'm not gon say it if i don't mean it."
he laid on my chest and i hugged him.
"i luh you too ma." i laughed and looked down at him.
"just because i said doesn't mean you have to say it back. you can say it when you're ready."
