The Stealer's Heart ♡ | TBZ | (Rewriting)

Painful Longing

Q's pov

Juyeon, Kevin, New, Sunwoo and I walk into the siblings room. New and I rush over to Elli's bed where a depressed Elli lies.
"Hey, I brought our psychology lesson over so you can catch up. And the rest are bring your music theory lessons over later today." Kevin places the lessons on the shared desk. "It'll be on your desk." She just nods.

Eric pulls her to sit up in her bed.
"You need to talk. Get everything out. Like you usually do." Elli just nods.
"When the rumors broke out when I was accepted to your university. It hurt me. The Transgender and lesbian rumors hurt me the most. The only rumor that was true was that I was cold to anyone that I'm not friends with. Why did they even have to talk about me?" She asks

"It's our fault. I'm sorry." Eric hugs her, cauing her to rest her head on his shoulder. She shook her head still.
"Youngie, you have to admit that it is because of us. It may not be our fault but it is us." I pat her head.
"Are the rumors really taht bad. When you think about people usually stayed away from you, and only a few boys would try to talk to you." Kevin tries shed some light.
"Then why do hate on me, Kev?"
"Because they are jealous of you." New tells the younger. "They want to be you. Because you get hang out with 11 amazing boys."

"Then what about the guys, Jae?"
"They want you because you don't hide who you are." She shook her head.
"I've only fell in love with one boy before university, and that was Hyunjoon. I don't want another person. I just want to be okay first." We nod.
"How about we help you?" We look at Juyeon. "How about we stay with the 11 of us at all times? We hang out with one-on-one. We listen anytime you need to talk. Just talk to us as if we were a wall." Elli slowly nods.
"Okay. I'm okay with that." She smiles lightly, still feeling like shit.

Elli's pov

The 6 boyz left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. All I could think about was Luli, which made my heart hurt. I begin to cry since I'm alone. Shame always takes over me when I cry in front of someone. I just grab my blanket, covering my face, and cry myself sleep.

"Hurry up! Wake up!" I woke up to Q yelling at me. I look at him dazed. "We're going out." Confusion over takes my face.
"We're going to eat." A smiling Haknyeon walks into the room. "Now fix your hair. We're going to the corner store. I take my brush from my nightstand and brush my hair quickly. I grab my phone, wallet and throw on a jacket. I follow the two boyz out the door to the outside.

I choose a table while Q and Haknyeon went inside to buy our food. All my mind could was think about Luli and we could be. We could have had a late snack together at the corner store, a late night movie that last all night, long talks about our past, present and future together. A tear rolls down my left cheek but someone stops it. I look up to see Haknyeon, giving me a ressureling smile. The three of us ate in silence.

Until Haknyeon broke it.
"You look like you have lot on your mind. Wanna talk it out?" I nod. I was just talking about what could have been, but wasn't.
"You shouldn't dwell on what once was or what could have happen. Look around you. The moon and breeze is hitting your face. You are not alone. You have never truely been alone. You have 11 amazing guys in your life. And we aren't leaving anytime soon." Haknyeon pats head while holds my hand.

A tear rolls down the right side of my face. I hold both of their hands.
"I need to hear that. Thank you. All of you. I guess I never thought on more than just Luli. We've been through a lot but I could never open up to him. I mean she barely did. It was almost like she wanted our relationship to be pure but real. Once we opened up, it would become real." I look down at the honey bun and strawberry milk carton. Everything clicked. We were in for the relationship, not each other.

Changmin squeezes my hand to grab my attention.
"How do you feel now?"
"Better."
"Want to continue to talk about it or something else." I sigh deeply.
"Something else, please." The two nod their heads and started taking about our class. We talked about anything amd everything the next two hours.

My alarm for 8pm went off as soon as finished laughing. So we head back home.
"Thank you, you two. I'm to have such amazing people in my life." We head each other goodbye and I sent them off with goodnights. I lay in my bed, the pain is still there but it's not as bad. Compared tona week ago, I don't feel helpless. Lost in my pain.

I'm not alone. I will move on. I don't have to rush it but I can do this. Everything will be okay. I have to try my best to keep my head up, and put it down when I feel like it. It's going to be okay.

"죽을 만큼 사랑했나 봐/꺼진 불씨 다시 타오르나 봐/가슴 저린 그리움일까/아님 이기적인 외로움인가/죽겠다 또 어김없이/너의 흔적이/남아 날 괴롭힌다"

"I loved her to death/The extinguished fire is burning up again/Is it because of this painful longing?/Or is it my selfish loneliness? It’s killing me, once again/Your traces remain/And they torture me"

- IKON's "Killing Me"

❇
Hi, I hope that last paragraph was something y'all need to here. I wrote this book just because I could. But now I write because it helps me escape my household. I only have two years left until I graduate high school. As soon as graduate, I will on my own. But hopefully with some friends. Anywho, you are having a rough time, remember that things will get better. When you feel happy, bask in while you can. Don't chase contain happiness cause you won't get it. Sad moments are there to make the happy ones that much sweeter. Your existence has impacted people's life. If you think it hasn't, you can impact mines. My dms are always open❤

Hope y'all know you are loved💟