tales of a fairy

i can't trust myself

Earth

He thought i was mad.

No i am not.

I am embarrassed!
To muself by myself.

I should have said yes then pulled him for a kiss.

Damn you Teeraphat!
Here you go again!

Tooooo WEAK!!!!!

"Uurrgghhh!!!!" I almost shouted.

"He-hey calm down Mung." Joong said.

I looked at him.
We are inside the office car going to the crime scene. Nine os with us.

"Come on Earth you can tell us and we have lnly 8-10 mjnuyes to talk anout this.

"I am doomed." I said.
"I am so freaking weak!!!" I said in mad voice being mad at myself.

"Why?" Nine asked seriously.

"Guys, you know we are datingnright?" I asked,

"You and?" Joong asked.

"Doc Braiser" imsaid.

"I thought you are boupyfriends now?" He teased.

"Benjamin? I thought you are just hanging out ornsomething" Nine said.

"Now you now we are in a bit serious and getting there but i am so weak" i said disapointed yommyself.

"O comw on, we know you liked him from the start." Nine said.

I looked at them both for Joong nods his head multiple times.

"How?" I asled.

"First, this is the first time you get a bit interested in a person like you do to him."Nine said.

"Second even if you are in the idst of life and death, Doc . Ben's smile made you fightndeath and strive to live, his smile is your last sight before operation and the one you look for in your dreams during your sleep after." Joong said laughing.

"Wait ...." i said.

"Do not worry omly me and  boss Pavel knows. That is why he keeps on challenging Doc. Ben. You must tell Boss to stop that. " Joong saod.

Doc. Nine just smiles but his smile teases me.

"But" i said.

"Buddy, that was 4 years ago na.. it is time to give your life back. Life is mlre than the lanolatory." Joong said.

"But what if..." i said. And looked outside.

"You know better this time Earth. There is noyhing we can do about the past, but not all person are the same. Then if you really hesitate and fear history might repeat itself. Better be sure first before you get inthe relationship.
You still have time, and you have Doc Dome to ask as well." Doc Nine said.

"By the way what disapointed you it seems it is nit him but yourself." Joong get back on that.

"I cannot trust myslef anymore.  Imresist his ofer being my boyfriend yet i so almost damn give him myself when he just kiss me." I said.

Doc. Nine laughed while Joong said. "Hell"

"Then give yourself a treat, do what youmwant" he added.

"Earth give yourself a chance to love again na... and tell him your worries and past, i am sure he wil understand and help you." Doc Nine said facing me.

"Doc, where you close yo him during college?" I asked.

"Did i told you some stories when we  are inthe offivpce about my two best friends. Well it is Dome and Ben" he answered.