Fireflies {DAMIANO DAVID FANFICTION}

SIX

If there's one thing I'm grateful for these last few weeks, it's the fact that my nausea has finally settled down. I don't even really care about the other symptoms, now that the constant vomiting has chilled out, I can get a handle back on my life.

I sip on my tea as I sit at the kitchen island scrolling through my phone. The apartment is almost entirely silent, spare the creaks and groans of the foundation settling.

This apartment was my graduation present for graduating secondary school on time. An odd gift, I know, but it fits my independent personality. My parents aren't far away, just a few minutes drive, but having my own place allows me to live my own life. Even when we were living together, I still marched to the beat of my own drum and did what I wanted to anyways. This was only logical.

They know nothing of my pregnancy. I don't know how they'll react, but ultimately, I am nineteen and as unfortunate as it may be, these are my decisions to make. I don't think they'll be angry. Certainly disappointed, but who wouldn't be? I'm disappointed in myself. I still communicate with them often, but don't know how to say those crucial words. 

Without Nessa, I fear I would be lost in this process. There's so much information it feels as though I can drown in it sometimes. The whole experience really feels overwhelming. At times, all I can do is stare at my ultrasound pictures and breathe.  It's the only tangible proof I have that this is real. I'm too soon to feel any sort of movement yet, leaving mostly blurry indistinguishable photos my only hope. 

It's been mostly radio silence from Damiano. He has checked in once, simply because he was going away with his band for a week and wanted me to know that I shouldn't expect him to be nearby during that time. I don't know if that's how he intended it to sound, but to me, it seemed as though the underlying message was "don't have any emergencies while I'm gone." I already feel as though my pregnancy is an inconvenience to him, and I know he wishes it would cease to exist. This is where our views differ. 

It is an inconvenience, I will not disagree with him on this. It has derailed my life more than I'm sure it has derailed his. I have had to watch my plans fade away. I have had to lie to my parents and find some bullshit excuse as to why I am no longer going to university. I thought I knew how everything was going to plan out for my life. I never imagined I could be this incorrect. 

Maybe one day I will be faced with the opportunity to attend university once again. For now, the name of the game is survival. When I told my parents I had withdrawn, they made it abundantly clear that my allowance would soon run out, since I was no longer a full-time student. My apartment would remain just that—mine. But the monthly allotment of Euros deposited into my bank account would soon be no more. 

I can't say I'm surprised. Since I was a young child it was very clear that my options for adulthood were always schooling or employment. I'm sure if they knew about my pregnancy they'd continue supporting me; but I don't have the heart to tell them, and in all honesty, I would feel bad leeching off their pity. 

The only option left now is to get a job. It's a choice I dread, but the one I know needs to be made. I've been racking my brain for days now to come up with a job which I am qualified for that I can also do while pregnant. My life is ruled by side effects at this point and I know that as I get further along it will be harder for me to do things like stand, reach, and lift. I was thinking of maybe food service, but I'm not sure how sustainable that would be. I suppose I'll know the right job when it comes to me. 

Groaning, I tie my dark hair back into a bun. I decide I'll venture out into Rome, the city center just a few minutes' walk away. Walking is good for the baby, I've been told. Plus, I could maybe look for a job while out there. I get dressed in a plain white shirt with a tie at the base and a pair of black jeans with sneakers. 

The air is warm and sticky, and I inhale it with pleasure. I much prefer the heat to the cold, and I have my whole life. I lock my apartment door behind me, stepping out of the complex and trotting down the street. Via del Corso greets me within a matter of steps. As always, it is running with people, both foreigners and locals. The same smell as always rises through the streets, but it no longer bothers me. It is the smell of my city. 

My eyes drift over the buildings, decisively trying to plan my course of action. A small coffee shop, the exterior walls of it brick, almost calls my name. I move towards it. A small ding of a bell alerts the staff to my existence. 

"Ciao!" A woman calls behind the counter. She wears a white blouse covered by a baby blue apron, her bottom half hidden by the counter. "How can we help you today?"

I glance around the shop. Its walls are colored with bright shades, a sprawling mural of Rome behind the counter. Small metal tables and plain booths decorate the room. Music drifts through the atmosphere. It feels homey. 

"I was wondering if you were hiring." I finally say. This definitely feels like a place I could see myself working in. Just a few seconds inside the building tells me I will enjoy the environment. 

"Of course!" the woman smiles at me. "Come, this way. I'll show you where to apply."