When You Think About Love - Part One

16: What's It Gonna Be?

  As he walked up to the entrance of his school on Monday, people stared and whispered when he passed them, and it made him immediately want to turn tail and run. It continued as he walked down the hall to his locker, got his books, went to his morning classes. By third period Victor was thrumming with fear and stress, wondering what they all knew, what they'd heard. Had Mia said something? Did everyone know about the break up? Did they know the reason for it? Did they all know about him?

The second the bell rang after his art class he was racing out the door and into the nearest bathroom. He locked himself into a stall and leaned back against the door, trying desperately to breathe, to hold himself together somehow. He couldn't do this here. He couldn't fall apart at school with all of these people around, watching him, judging him, gossiping about him.

He was such a mess that he ended up spending the entire next period hiding in the bathroom. There was no way he could force himself to sit through his history class when he couldn't even breathe, when his head was spinning and his hands were shaking.

It was lunchtime after that, and he couldn't take not knowing anymore. He wanted to give Mia her space like she'd asked him to, but he had to find out what, if anything, she had said. He rinsed his face off at a sink and tried to calm down as much as he could. It didn't really work. Then Victor went to look for Mia.

She was at her locker, putting some stuff away, and she did not look happy to see him. "Victor, I meant it when I said I needed to be left alone for awhile-"

"I know," Victor cut her off, "I know, and I'm sorry, but... everyone's been staring at me today, and talking, and I don't know what's going on. Did you – did you tell someone? About me?"

Her eyes went wide. "What? God, Victor, no. I wouldn't do that."

A couple of girls walked past them just then, clearly watching them closely, and began to whisper after they'd passed. Victor gestured at their retreating backs. "What was that then? Why does everyone seem to know?"

Mia sighed, a slightly guilty expression on her face. "I told one of my friends that we broke up over the weekend, because I needed someone to talk to. I didn't tell her about you, though, just that we realized we didn't feel the same way about each other and we ended things. That was it. But I think she might have mentioned it to her boyfriend, and maybe he told someone else... You know how it is at this school, the gossip chain is ridiculous. I'm sorry, Victor."

Victor let a long breath of relief. No one knew about him. They were just talking about the break up. It sucked, but it wasn't as bad as Victor had been scared it might be.

"All right. It's fine, I get it. It's not your fault. I'm sorry to bother you like this, I won't – I won't try to talk to you again, if you don't want me to."

Mia rubbed at one of her eyes as a tear spilled over her lashes, and her jaw worked. It seemed like she was making a huge effort not to cry right there in the middle of the crowded hallway. Victor felt sick to his stomach. "Okay. Bye."

Victor walked away from her, feeling overcome with guilt and regret. His secret was safe because Mia was a good person who would never betray him like that, who would never hurt him as badly as he'd hurt her. God, he hated himself so much.

The thought of facing all of his friends in the crowded cafeteria and being forced to answer their questions about Mia was making him feel like he might freak out all over again, so Victor ended up eating lunch out in his truck. While he was there, he sent off a message.

Hi Simon. First of all, thank you. Thank you so much for being there for me the other night. I really don't know what I would have done without you. Talking to you about everything, and hearing all about your life in New York... it helped me a lot.