18: If There Was No You

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  He'd seen Benji's house a couple of times now, and it was just as he remembered it, a modest one-story with a porch out front that was shaded by the sweeping boughs of an old magnolia tree. White petals from its flowers spotted the green lawn and shrubs underneath, where roses and hydrangeas were growing. It was easily one of the most beautiful front yards in the neighborhood. Victor parked the truck on the street out front and followed Benji into the house.

	Inside it reminded him a little of his own home, a bit crowded and messy, but in a way that felt comfortable and welcoming

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Inside it reminded him a little of his own home, a bit crowded and messy, but in a way that felt comfortable and welcoming. The biggest difference though were the shelves that were built into the walls and full to overflowing with books. Everywhere he looked, practically every surface was covered in them. Benji noticed the way Victor was staring at them and smiled.

"Did I mention that I pretty much live in a library? My mom teaches English Lit, so we're big fans of reading in this family."

"My mom likes to read, too, but her taste in books runs more toward those cheesy romance novels you can pick up at the supermarket." Victor knew all about his mom's secret trashy novel collection that she kept in a box in her closet because he may have dipped into it every now and then. Not that Benji ever needed to know anything about that. He looked around the room, taking in the over-stuffed sofa covered in pillows, an afghan thrown over the back, the comfy-looking armchair in the corner by the window, the stacks of books everywhere. "This is really nice."

"If you think this is good, wait till you see the backyard." Benji reached out, taking Victor's hand in his. There was a question in his eyes when he looked at Victor, so Victor looked back at him steadily, giving Benji's hand a little squeeze. He wasn't going to let himself feel scared of this thing between them, not now, not here where no one could see them. Not when he might lose it so soon.

Benji led him through a kitchen and dining room to a set of sliding glass doors, which he pulled open, and they stepped out into one of the most beautiful gardens that Victor had ever seen. There was a tall evergreen near the back fence, ferns and bushes growing in the shade it cast with its broad boughs, and another flowering tree with tiny dark pink blossoms next to a little pond. Near the water were tall, pale yellow stalks of grass and reeds, and a few white lilies floated on the surface. Flowers and small trees and shrubs grew in a haphazard pattern across the yard, but in a graceful way, well-maintained and obviously well-loved, and although the garden wasn't that big, it seemed to contain hidden spaces just waiting to be discovered.

"This is incredible," Victor said. He turned his head and realized that while he'd been looking around the garden, Benji had been looking at him, and in spite of everything that was happening there was something so warm and pleased in Benji's gaze when it met Victor's.

"It is, isn't it? This is why my parents picked this house. The previous owners were a retired couple who didn't really have much else to do except take care of this garden. Now it's pretty much my mom's favorite place to be when she's not working." He pulled Victor toward a little greenhouse near the pond. "C'mon, I'll show you what she's been up to out here."

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