Trust

V

Okay. So.

I've made a conscious decision of something to do with me and another human being. Who answers to the name of Michael.

I've been thinking about what Calum said for ages, every waking second almost. Apart from last week, when Mum had me grounded because I stayed out all night at Michael's. I couldn't see him at all that week, and I thought about how I'd like to arrange something that we could both go to and enjoy.

I thought about going to town, but we'd already done that. We could go to a concert, but for concerts you need money and I don't have enough for one ticket, let alone two.

So I decided on the cinema. I don't go much and it would be nice to go with a FRIEND, who I have a lot in common with.

Michael is just a friend. I don't have feelings for him. I'll admit there's an attraction there, yes, but nothing more than that. He's cute, he's good-looking, he's sweet, but I don't like him like that. If I got feelings for every hot boy I saw/met, I would be crushing on millions by now. I give you Ansel Elgort. Thank you.

But seriously, Michael is nothing more than a friend and he never will be. I just want to have a day for myself every once in a while.

Even so, I'm still nervous about asking him. Should I do it casually, or straight up? And should I do it by text or face to face? Should I come alone or with someone else? All these questions are buzzing around inside my head, and I can't answer any of them.

I love Kieran and Josh, but sometimes I think about how it would be nice to have some close friends that were girls, if you know what I mean. For example, I doubt Josh would ever talk to me again if I suddenly started talking about how my period was a few days late this month, and how there was so much blood this time, and how it had been going on for about six days, and I actually really needed some more pads because I was running out pretty quickly. See what I mean?

They're there for me, but they're not girls. I'm not saying they wouldn't be caring, but they wouldn't be able to understand fully. They'd try but unless you've had period problems yourself, it's kinda hard to relate.

I think that with a boyfriend you can do that; I think in a proper relationship you should be able to tell the other anything, no matter how embarrassing. But I guess I'd say the same with proper friends, and I would definitely call me, Kieran and Josh proper friends. I don't know. Life is confusing.

"Lisa!" I hear a voice shriek from downstairs. It's my dad, and his voice is contorted with anger and frustration. I'm not sure why, but I guess I'll have to go downstairs and find out. I really don't want to, not at all. I'm happy here, on my own, and I feel safe. But shout all that down, and I'm dead.

"I-I'm coming." They scared me. My parents. They terrified me, they really did. I couldn't talk to them, I couldn't admit anything. They treated me as though I wasn't even human. I was just an inconvenience, an accident, an obstacle in their way to their perfect life and relationship. And I'm not gonna lie, it hurt. It hurt never feeling wanted and it hurt never being loved, all the time, constantly alone. My friends are my proper family. They never judge me (or they tell me if they do), they genuinely seem to like me and I know they will always be there for me. They're the ones I can trust.

I make my way downstairs, slowly, not wanting to go down any quicker than I had to. Just as I reach the bottom stair, my pocket vibrates.

"I Feel Like Dancin'" comes from my phone, indicating somebody's phoning me. I pull out my phone and look at the screen where an unknown number flashes up. Answering it isn't going to harm me. Even so, I'm a little nervous about doing it, know what I mean?