World War 4: Sticks and Stones

Ben: Part Six

The unbelievable conflict in the emotions I felt was insurmountable. I had just witnessed thousands slaughtered by human hands, by human hands led by what motive? Boredom? Something deeper? Quite frankly, it didn't matter to me why Peter did what he did, I just knew that he needed to die for it. No, he needed to suffer. On the other side of the conflict, there was hope in my logic-less conclusion that the static of the radio would inevitably lead me to a place where people wanted to help me. Peter continued to be out there wherever he was, but I could not forget that he continued to be the one with the gun. The power that having my father in my arms brought to me was strong, but even that power could not withstand the inevitability of death that comes with a machine gun. Part of me wanted to attempt to track down Peter anyways so that there was assurance that I at least tried to make him suffer before I died, but my wisdom won that battle over my passionate lust for revenge. As I daydreamt about my pursuit of Peter's demise, I walked. Every step I took, I took a second to listen to the static of the radio. I thought that, perhaps even if the static is not manufactured, when it was at its lowest, it must mean that we are close by civilization regardless.

Eliza seemed much less vengeful than I did. Instead, she just seemed sad and lonely and scared. She had witnessed the same massacre as I did, but she saw souls, as conflicted as we were, doing what they thought was right in the same way that we did every day of our lives. She could not have been more disgustingly wrong. We ate people because it kept us alive, not because we wanted to. Peter and his army came out of a lust for chaos, for murder, for destruction. There was no feasible reason that they could have come out of necessity. Every time that I would bring this up to her, she would respond in the same way. "You cannot tell me that a person who witnesses the child-bearing room would not think the same things that you think about Peter. Ben, we are in a time where everything and everyone is evil. Including you. Including me and when Destiny grows up, she'll be the same. Your revenge is killing you. I have never felt so distanced." Every time she would say this, I would grimace at her words. "I have never felt so distanced." I mocked her. The anger and conflict in our state of minds was starting to cause me to forget that I was madly in love with her. After days of walking and after witnessing three more deaths, I started to realize that that love that held us so strongly together was no longer real. In fact, I no longer felt anything at all. We had nothing to eat, so we ate of the dead. We had nothing to drink, so we drank their liquids. This caused us extreme sickness and exhaustion, but still we went on. The twenty four remaining people from the bunker lived so that they could survive, but I lived only to taste even just a fraction of what Peter got to taste.

A day later I found the emotions that left so suddenly rush back in a wave. I started screaming. As I screamed, I fell to my knees in a heap and I started cursing God. Then I started cursing Zeus, and Hades and all of the other gods in case there was no God, so that someone knew how terrible they were. Then I started cursing Eliza because she made me love her and then I started cursing Destiny for giving me a good reason to live. I started vomiting. I was getting so hungry, and so thirsty and so tired and so bloodshot. Eliza rushed over to me to try and help me. I was happy for her company, but I couldn't tell her so as I was starting to seize. I felt my mouth foam as my eyes stayed wide open, but I couldn't see anything. I don't know what the seizure was from, but it happened. By the end of it, I was so exhausted from the shaking that I collapsed. I dreamt that I had died. I expected death to be more of a negative feeling than it was. Instead, it was peaceful and happy and calm. I saw my father who welcomed me into his house. I smelt an aroma that could only be a fresh baked batch of instant brownies. I sat and ate with him. We ate for a while. The entire time, he just smiled at me. I could have made small talk with him, but his mannerisms made it seem as though he already knew what was going on in my life. At the end of the meal, he finally spoke. "Why don't you stay with me?" I thought about his offer for a moment, but then I thought harder and with more intention. He was here, but as he knew what was going on in my life, I knew he was in the real world with me as well. Even though he was here, there was no Eliza, no Destiny, no possibility for revenge. I declined. He seemed sad, but understanding. He let me go on my way. In that instant I awoke, but I was no longer on the dusty desolate ground. Instead, I was lying on a bed. I was filled with intense confusion. Eliza came rushing over to me. "You're awake!" I was so unbelievably confused. "I guess I am. Where exactly am I?" "You were right, Ben. You were right. We found the radio station bunker." My eyes widened. "We found it?" I started to gain movement again and I stood up. In front of me were two people who were not part of the original group. One was a man, about my age and one was a younger lady, who must have been born since the nuke was dropped.