Warm
I wake up and the first thing on my mind: warm
Fuzzy like an arctic fox’s tail
Blue
I look at my side and my brother’s blue eyes
He’s hugging me from the side, that’s where the warmth is coming from
Two
The number of heartbeats on Martin’s bed
There’s music
Music in my heart, because we cuddled to sleep and it felt so nice
I feel so nice right now
-Good morning – he smiles
I’m humming some sweet tune I heard on the radio a couple of days ago – good morning
The sound of that tune reminds me of our childhood
Of the fraternal figure of my older brother
He’s showing me an insect whilst our mother calls us for dinner
The kitchen’s radio
A hot platter of mashed potatoes
home
--
Cold
The sweat on my back, my eyes looking at the bottom of the upper bunk bed
Icy like a penguins feet
What we did last night
It wasn’t right
It was my fault
He’s still asleep, I hear his breathing and recall his moans from last night
A flash of a moment
Much like a picture, it pains me, my heart, it hurts
My little brother, walking
His little feet when he was making his first steps
Green little socks
More pain, my breath quickens, sweat pooling on the wrinkles of my palms
And I wanna slam something
I wanna punish myself
My little brother, stops. There’s a shadow over him
The shadow of a monster
That monster is me
