Perfect Beat [EDITING]

Chapter 5: talk to tears

MIKAEL'S POV

It's been a year since we met. And now, I'm here letting it drift. Letting it pass by.

I feel mixed emotions. I know this is the right time. I know it's not love. It's only pity.

After class dismissal, dumiretso ako sa university garden kung saan kami madalas magkita noon. Almost one hour na akong naghihintay, but she still isn't here. As the sun sets, the time slowly passes by.

I texted her again.

Nasaan ka? I'm still here waiting.

As I stood up, I already figured out that she was approaching. I calmed myself and prepared the words I was going to say.

"Mike!" She hugged me with one arm. "Happy 1st Anniversary!"

Then she gave me a gift.

She's so happy. So hopeful.

But I don't want to prolong her burden. Mas lalo pa siyang masasaktan kapag ipinagpatuloy ko ito.

If I let this go any further, I might just hurt her twice.

"S-sorry Ruth, but we need to end this now."

Her voice lowered.

"Ha? Are you breaking up with me?"

Her eyes suddenly filled with emotion.

Then I nodded.

Her tears began to escape from her eyes.

"B-but. W-why? I love you, and I know you still love me, isn't it?"

"Yes, Ruth. B-but it's not the love you deserve. You deserve someone better than me. You deserve to be loved, but not by me. S-sorry... b-but I never loved you. In any way you wanted to."

She covered her face with her hands and wept.

"B-but Mike. I love you, and I don't care even if you never loved me before. Just—just let me love you. Matutunan mo rin naman akong mahalin, di ba? Di ba?"

I gently removed her hands from her face and wiped the tears on her cheeks.

"I tried to love you, but it didn't work. I didn't learn how. S-sorry Ruth. It's over. I don't want to be selfish, so I'm letting you go now. I might just hurt you more if I keep lying that I love you. I cannot see myself making you feel loved when in reality I couldn't."

She pushed my hand away.

"Mike!"

"Sorry, Ruth. Sorry. I forgot I wasn't allowed to have feelings. Not anymore. Not with anyone. Could we just, at least be friends?"

She was still crying. Hard.

"W-why? Why, Mike? Is there someone else?"

I needed to make an excuse. If this is the only reason that will make her let me go.

"If I say yes, would you let me go now? I don't want to hold on to a relationship that will cause more pain if we continue. We were stable but we were stuck."