6. Flower is me

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Why do I find it easy
to love everyone, but me?

Why is that I can put
myself in their shoes,
but they would say
my shoes stink?

Why is that when someone
thinks of me, I push them away
and when someone treats me
like filth, I want them to stay?

Maybe because I can't love myself
maybe because no one taught me to

But I want to try one last time
to make my heart habitable enough

For a flower to bloom.
And that flower is me.


I wrote this today because I'm going through a bad phase

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I wrote this today because I'm going through a bad phase. Ever since I graduated from high school and entered college, I have found myself looking for a boyfriend. Most engineering colleges in India have a dire sex ratio so naturally, I did date a lot, but I realised, how I pushed away good people and fell for toxic ones. And to get rid of that, I rebounded and started dating someone else. I came to this realisation that I'm codependent. I seek companionship to heal the childhood wounds of loneliness and low self-esteem. I realised indulging in the art that doesn't expect much( like doodling this cute lil poem or writing raw, what I feel rather than convoluting my feelings in metaphors) would help me. It did! I feel better than I felt before making this. I will do this more. I will do things that make kids happy. Basic shit, like listening to music, exercise, doodling without expecting it to be a masterpiece, writing. Whenever I feel low, writing has got my back.

I hope I get out of this mental space healthy. I hope you have a great day :)

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