Scouring the scales, one bitter memory withers,
scalloping like a dandelion, aimlessly he tethers,
time crumples, tears stifle the dunes,
your past is now a balsam, swivelling in ruins.
🌱 touch me not, for my dismay is a withdrawal symptom.
All rig...
Why is that I can put myself in their shoes, but they would say my shoes stink?
Why is that when someone thinks of me, I push them away and when someone treats me like filth, I want them to stay?
Maybe because I can't love myself maybe because no one taught me to
But I want to try one last time to make my heart habitable enough
For a flower to bloom. And that flower is me.
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I wrote this today because I'm going through a bad phase. Ever since I graduated from high school and entered college, I have found myself looking for a boyfriend. Most engineering colleges in India have a dire sex ratio so naturally, I did date a lot, but I realised, how I pushed away good people and fell for toxic ones. And to get rid of that, I rebounded and started dating someone else. I came to this realisation that I'm codependent. I seek companionship to heal the childhood wounds of loneliness and low self-esteem. I realised indulging in the art that doesn't expect much( like doodling this cute lil poem or writing raw, what I feel rather than convoluting my feelings in metaphors) would help me. It did! I feel better than I felt before making this. I will do this more. I will do things that make kids happy. Basic shit, like listening to music, exercise, doodling without expecting it to be a masterpiece, writing. Whenever I feel low, writing has got my back.
I hope I get out of this mental space healthy. I hope you have a great day :)
