Marvel Ship Oneshots

Stars, Stripes and Decisions That Bring Hope

Trigger Warnings: Gender dysphoria, FTM transgender character, transitioning into preferred gender, cursing, mentioned homophobia and references to period appropriate sexism.

A few weeks earlier, had woken up from his bed in the apartment that he and Bucky, his best friend, shared in downtown Brooklyn, it had been his since he was sixteen, bought from some savings that he'd been collecting over the years. They'd lived here together for a couple years now, but it was mainly just him here, since Bucky had recently been enlisted int eh U.S. Army. He didn't look at himself until he made sure that the mirror on his side of the small bedroom in the apartment was covered with an American flag he had bought on sale a couple months ago for his own peace of mind. He showered and dressed, making sure to wrap the white gauze and cotton bandaging around his chest tight, but ensuring that he could breath just fine before slipping on a long sleeved blue and white shirt, fastening the three buttons quickly before slipping on his shoes. He walked into the kitchen and cursed under his breath when he saw his reflection in the old stainless steel kettle; slight frame, round face, frail looking. And sure, most just assumed that this was due to his poor health and asthma, which wasn't exactly treatable in wartime Brooklyn in the fourties. As he was very good at hiding the small fact that he had been born in a woman's body, not many realised this, except those who were in on the well-kept secret of close friends and their family. In fact,t he only adult who know was Winifred Barnes, who was kind towards the blond who had been living under her roof for a time when his own parents had passed away, her son James had insisted upon the blond staying with them, naturally. She had been kind enough to cut his once long wavy blonde hair into something shorter and masculine, helping him to feel more like the man he was. And of course, his best friend, James or rather, Bucky Barnes was in on the secret too. His loyal best friend who refused to call him anything but Steve, pal and punk. However, when he got the news that his best friend intended to join the army to fight, he was adamant that he would accompany him. Sure, it had been hard, but one of the doctor's thankfully new who Winifred Barnes was and was willing to overlook the small fact that the hard-working young boy before him that seems like he would be a hell of a fighter, was born female. Steve was terrified that someone would find out about the secret he kept since he was a small child, but he was assured, as long as he could be clever about hiding the gender he was assigned at birth, that he be fine. When the blond found out that his closest friend was now a Sergeant and had risen up in the ranks, he was immensely proud of him and was happy to get the chance to spend the little free time that he could afford with his oldest friend. Then one night, he'd been having a particularly violent night terror, ones that usually caused him to become shaking and breathless. He'd been told by Bucky that he could come to his cabin any time that he needed to, night or day, no matter the situation. So he quietly crept out of his own shared cabin with as many other guys that could fit in there as possible, and walked into Sergeant Barnes' quarters.

He softly called out, his voice a little hoarse from recently dried tears and shaking slightly as he spoke, "Buck?" The brown-eyed man slowly woke up and looked at him, a light sleeper but had never been a morning person, "Dream?" he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes to wake up a little so he could help his friend. Steve nodded and closed the door, walking over to him and sitting on the floor near the brunet's bed, not quite daring to sit down on it. He rolled hus eyes at his shorter friend and offered him a hand before gently guiding him to sit on the bed. So many feelings could be seeb in those bright blue eyes; fear, worry, panic and sadness, but there was also the softness that appeared there when brown met blue. He sat close to the taller mam, and spoke quietly, voice less shaky now, "I'm scared, Buck. What if... what if they find out?" He gently rubbed the blond's back, "No one's going to find out nothin', okay pal?" he whispered reassuringly, gently patting his shoulder now in lieu of rubbing his back. All the years there been friends, there was something unspoken between the two of then, a bridge that had been crossed when Steve had been had been sixteen and he'd been seventeen. It involved a stolen bottle of his mother's good red wine and had gotten drunk for the first time, which had led to a few drunken kisses, and words that both of them had tried to forget but pushed aside, choosing to focus more on the fact they'd both passed out shortly afterwards, pretending to not remember a thing, but subconsciously, they both knew that was a lie, a damn big one at that. However neither of them knew that the other still felt the same as they'd professed to feeling that night, Steve didn't even know so what name to give it, but he knew that he loved Bucky, not in a friendly way either, unless it's considered friendly to want to make out with your best buddy. He, unfortunately, also knew that the price and penalty of being gay was high staked, dangerous, and could lead to trouble for the both of them, maybe even punishment, despite what shape his body currently was. He rested his head on Bucky's shoulder and sniffed, "I got an offer from some guy in Stark Enterprise that said he might be able t-to...might be able to help me... The guy looked loaded, Buck. He could be how I become a man." He smiled warmly at him; gently carding a hand through the blond's soft hair, "If he can, that'll be great, pal. Did he say how or when he'd do it?" He thought of something right then and there, so he gathered his courage. Steve grinned at him but blushed darkly, "Do you remember when we stole your mom's wine?" he asked. He chuckled, "Drunk as I was, hell, as we both were, of course I do." He didn't pretend to not remember this time. The blond laughed softly as he blushed, "Do you remember kissing me?" he whispered to him. Bucky looked down into his eyes, "'Course, I do, Stevie." he replied gently but added softly, "Why d'you ask?" The soldier bit his lip as he whispered to him, "So, I can know, if Stark Enterprise can fix me, will you...w-will you wait for me?" The Sergeant wrapped his arms around him tightly, "Count on it, short stuff." he replied with a small grin. Steve let out a sigh of relief and grinned, "Thanks, Buck. It means a lot to me."

The taller man smiled softly as he replied, "No problem, doll. ...I have a couple questions though." Steve smiled, boldly kissing his cheek, "Then, ask." He blushed a bit, he'd deny it, but he did. He breathed before asking him, "Listen Steve, I know that Stark said he'd be able to help you, but how?" He gently rested his head on the taller man's shoulder , "Oh, he's developing this serum thing, like medicine or somethin' but it'll make me a man. He said I'd be stronger too. ...Might even be taller than you." he added playfully with a small nudge. The brown eyed man chuckled, hesitantly placing a soft kiss to Steve's forehead, "You wish, pal. So... you'll be what, like a super soldier or somethin'?" Steve thought before he replied, "I guess so, yeah. Honestly though, Buck? I don't care as long as they can fix me." he gently reached up to stroke the Sergeant's cheek. He held the blond closer, "I'm happy they'll be able to help you, Stevie." he whispered to him. The blond looked down at the watch he owned, battered brown leather strap with a simple face, it had been his father's, he spotted that it was almost five in the morning so they'd be expected to be up soon. "I'll have to leave soon or people will talk about you..." he mumbled. He smirked a bit, but budging a centimetre, "When have I ever given a shit what people think of me, Rogers?" The blond smiled a bit, "Never." He nodded, "Damn right. Now, shut up and stay close." he replied in a mock stern voice. Steve laughed softly as he replied softly, "Yes, sir."

They both burst out into a quiet laughter, trying to snuff it out. They spent the next few nights like this. On the night before Steve would become Captain America, they were in a similar position but he could tell that something had Bucky properly annoyed so he softly asked, "You okay?" He sighed a bit and looked at him, "It's nothing, just me being stupid, probably." He gently pressed his lips to the dark haired man's, "Tell me anyway?" he looked at him softly. Bucky bit his lip, damning the soft blue faze that he knew could probably make him agree to just about anything, "It's...it's that English broad that's helping you. She's...a little too friendly." Steve tucked his head under his chin, looking up at him, "Agent Carter? Buck, she's just helping me with the transition." He chuckled softly, the blond could be downright naïve at tunes, "It's how she looks at you." Blue eyes opened widely, as if he has just realised something, "Ah, shoot... What do I tell her? I've already got someone special that I'm not leaving." He looked softly at the blonde, thinking as he stroked his hair, "Then that's what you tell her. ...No names though, doll. It's too risky." Steve nodded in understanding as he whispered back, "Wouldn't dream of it, honey. I'll tell her it's someone back home." He nodded, smirking a bit as he replied, "This time tomorrow we'll need to lie down differently, huh, *Captain*?" He couldn't help but grin, "Guess so, Sergeant." he replied in a light tone. He met that morning with Agent Carter, Howard Stark and a few officials as well as the doctor that knew about his predicament. It was painful and took hours, but when he woke, of course, unaware it had been three days and his secret lover had been captured, while leading troops into enemy lines by HYDRA.

When he was informed that the brown haired man had been and was presumed to be dead, he made his first priority to gather team and storm HYDRA's facility in order to rescue his love, even though everyone believed the sergeant to be dead, the newly appointed captain refuse to believe such. When he found Bucky, singing in the cage and tied up, he called out to him, his voice hoarse with happiness at seeing him, "Don't scare me like that ever again. They told me you were probably dead." Bucky blinked, the fact was that Steve had changed so much that he scarcely recognised him, but then he looked at those soft blue eyes and immediately know who this was, "I thought you were smaller? Didn't mean to scare you, pal. These crafty sons of bitches took us by surprise." Steve made sure no one was watching before he sprang his lover loose, hugging him close and sneakily kissing the nape of his neck, causing Bucky to curse under his breath before they gathered the others and made a break for it.

They were sent home for a couple of weeks after that, which both were grateful for, since their shared apartment have them the opportunity to be together as much as possible, although they were still careful when out and about, knowing that didn't have much choice to do otherwise. Neither of them knew that these next few years would be cherished memories that would lead to pain and loneliness, not only when Steve flew into the the ice after arranging a date for Peggy Carter with one of his fellow soldiers, even thought they'd decided to pose as a couple for reputation's sake, but also because that fateful day when Bucky would fall from the train during their raid, not be seen again for another seventy years or so, not until, the cold day he faced Steve on a mission as a Winter Soldier and was unable to kill his target, causing them be reunited.