When Archer Met Hailey (EDITING)

Epilogue

Hailey - Italic
Archer - Bold

INCOMING CALL...
HUBBY

"Hel-"

"MOM!"

"What?"

"Just go along with it."

"Okay..oh! Okay!"

"Excuse me?"

"Mom, come on. Please come get me. I'm ti-"

"Excuse me sir? Do I sound like your mother? You have the wrong number buddy."

"What? Who are you? I dialled her number. What are you doing with my mom's phone?"

"Who am I? First of all If memory serves me right, you sir called my number. And secondly, I am certainly not your mother!"

"No need to yell. I am not deaf. And first of all I think I know my own mothers phone number. Secondly no you are not my mother. My mother is the sweetest, kindest person I know. You my dear are not.

"..."

"Whatever. Are you drunk or something? You are giggling like a schoolgirl."

"Psshh...I do not giggle like a schoolgirl and for your information I'm not drunk."

"Well the high pitched giggle says otherwise. Just because you have a deep sultry voice doesn't mean you didn't just giggle like a schoolgirl.

"Deep sultry voice ehh?"

"..."

"It's okay baby, no need to be shy now."

"Eww...Look here mister... it's been real but maybe you should dial the right number and call your mom. You have already interrupted my sleep."

"Mister? I'm not that-"

"You realized that I am just in the other room right? I can even hear you talking into your phone."

"You are no fun, I was trying to recreate our first phone call six years later. It's called being romantic."

"I love you for trying to make me feel better. But your son is being stubborn and doesn't want to come out. I've been on bed rest for two days. I am miserable."

"I'm coming to the room."

~~**Dial Tone**~~

"Little man, daddy needs to have a talk with you. Why don't you come on out bud? Mommy and I are so excited to meet you. You've been cooking two days too long."

"Baby Kyson, are you being stubborn like your mommy?"

"If he is acting like you now, let's just hope he has my looks to make up for your personality."

"What are you trying to say? I don't have a good personality? Hear that Kyson? Your daddy wants to sleep on the couch tonight. While me and you get the bed all to yourselves."

"No! Princess it was a joke. I didn't mean that. You are perfect, I love you just the way you are."

"Kiss ass. That feels nice, keep rubbing my tummy."

"Anything for you and Ky."

"Ow! He's sure moving around and kicking a lot more frequently."

"Babe...how long have you been feeling like this?"

"I don't know. Maybe thirty minutes. I'm trying not to think about it. There is pressure I feel like I have to-"

"Why are you all wet?! Did you-"

"Uhhh...Buttercup..."

"Don't be embarrassed babe. I'll get everything cleaned up."

"Archer!!"

"What?"

"I didn't pee myself, It's time!"

"It's time for what? It's...oh shit! It's time! Let me help you up. I'll tell everyone to meet at the hospital."

"So help me God if you don't start to move it, I am going to have him right in the middle of the room."

"Shit...shit...shit! I'm going to be a dad! You're going to be a mom!"

"Archer, baby I love you. But if you don't shut your mouth and get me to a hospital in time for drugs. I will personally make your life a living hell."

"I got it and I love you too. Thank you for giving me a chance to be your person. Who knew this wonderful life could come from a drunken miss dial at 2 in the morning."

"So you finally admitted it. Took you six years, but you finally admit that you were drunk."

"I was more on the high side than drunk but yes. You win. Like I always said, '' a happy accident."

"A happy accident indeed."

"Let's go have our son. I love you, Hailey Valdez and you little Kyson."

"We love you too. Forever and always."