Dead and Gone

Back To School

Beep, beep, beep. I heard the very loud and obnoxious noise and covered my face with the pillow, trying to block out the sound but to no avail.

Will someone please kill whatever is making that noise, I thought bitterly.

Beep, beep, beep.

Oh, it's just my alarm clock... I growled slammed my hand down on the snooze button.

I heard my mom slamming on my door, "Time to wake up. You're going to be late for your first day of school!"

I groaned loudly, still in bed. I have school today?

Those tear-filled, depressing five days I had went by so quickly.

I lay in bed for a couple more minutes before getting up and walking across the hallway to the bathroom, half awake.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, disgusted. My hair was a mess and it was obvious I didn't get any sleep. I frowned and washed my face with cold water, suddenly feeling awake, but numb. The house could set on fire right then and I probably wouldn't care. Good, I thought, a chance to die and be with Michael. At the thought of dying and not caring, one word came to my mind: suicide. I shook my head, trying to ignore the thought.

I had a headache and decided to look through the bathroom cabinet on top of the sink for some Tylenol. I searched the cabinet for pills but instead I saw a razor. My eyes locked on its blade. I piced it up and drew in a breath, deciding whether to or not. No more pain, no more suffering. I'll be with Michael...

I glanced at my wrist, lost in thought. I fumbled with the razor, trying desperately to get the blade off of it...

"Hurry up in there! I'm going to be late to work!" I heard my mom shout. I jumped, startled, and cut my finger on accident, drawing blood. Cursing, I put the razor back, looking through the cabinet for a band-aid.

I rinsed the blood off my finger and put a band-aid on it. I closed the cabinet door and scrambled out of the bathroom.

I changed into whatever clothes in my closet I touched first, a long-sleeve black and grey striped cotton shirt and some skinny jeans. I ran a brush hurriedly through my hair, not caring at this point.

Grabbing my now filled with school supplies backpack and a granola bar, I ran outside and into my mom's car. Deciding I was too grief-stricken to drive, my mother decided to drive me to school.

She gave me a small smile, buckling her seatbelt. She took a sip of her coffee as she waited for me to buckle up. I set my backpack at my feet, unwrapping my granola bar.

"No offense, honey, but you look terrible," she said once we were on the road. I nodded and let out a breathy laugh, taking a bite of my granola bar.

We didn't talk the rest of the way, just listened to the radio. When we got to my school, she gestured to a mug next to hers. "I got you some coffee. You're going to need it," she said.

I smiled this time and took the mug. "Thanks, Mom," I said before closing the car door behind me.

I was about ten minutes early so I sat on a bench outside the campus, setting my backpack next to me.

It was pretty nice outside, cloudy and fresh, but not too fresh.

I was feeling extremely down, especially because I missed Michael. He'd usually come and sit with me and rant about some video game he played the night before or a movie he saw. I was feeling lonely.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back tears. But of course, I felt a couple of tears stream silently down my cheeks. I felt weak for not being able to hold them in.  I sat there, trying to convince myself that Michael was just absent, but it didn’t work. I didn’t try to wipe my tears because I just didn’t have the energy.

No one turned my way, no one said anything. Some just glanced and whispered with the people next to them. Several pairs of eyes watched me as they went inside. The bell rang and I sighed, not bothering trying to hurry for first period. I didn't even know what I had first period since I hadn't checked my schedule yet.