Depression Kills

Chapter six

The past three weeks Marc and I spent every minute together. He was my new best friend. My first best friend. The only friend I've ever had. Everyday we would take a walk after we woke up. Some days we'd sit on my window seat and just draw. Others we would listen to music and obsess over our intresets. Except the other night was different. I woke up in tears. I had a dream my father was abusing my mom. It was after my funeral. I scattered across my room trying the find something sharp. So I quietly open up my door. I ran to the kitchen on my toes trying to not make a sound when I opened the knife drawer grabbing one.

"What are you doing up?" I heard, the light switch flickered the lights on.

"I don't know. I... I had a bad dream. Something that felt so real," I let out

He walked closer to me. He took his hand and lifted my head. It dragged his thumb across my cheek bone. My face was still flooded of tears.

"So you were going to self harm? Your old life is coming back to haunt you?" He questioned letting my hand fall.

He was still wearing the clothes he had on that day. Black skinny jeans and a white tee shirt with the stains of blood. It was his outfit about everyday. He let his head drop. I could tell he didn't do or say these things out of pity, but because he really cares. I learned that no one pities each other here. We all have been through the same thing no matter what the story. But Marc... he really cared. I liked that.

"Yeah. I guess I was," my voice cracked as the words fell out.

He lifted his head back up softley and put his hands around my waist. He leaned closer and kissed my eyelids. Like it was to stop the tears. He backed away, but never let go.

"Depression kills," he let out, "But you can't kill yourself again. You're already dead. So why let depression get to you? I'll sleep in your room tonight if that's alright, I don't want you to hurt yourself again. I've been down that path."

I nodded my head allowing the offer of him sleeping in my room. We both crawled in the my bed. He took the sheets and put it gently down covering my body. Then he curled up against me, our bodies like puzzle pieces. Affection danced down me. A feeling I never had before, but I liked it.

I began to close my eyes. Wiping the tears away one last time. Marc's hands were still wrapped around my waist as my knees were close by to where I looked as if I was curled up in a ball. He's never going to let go filled my mind I like that.

"Before you fall asleep, Skylar, I want you to remember I'm here to talk to instead of...well...this. You have someone. I love you," he said softly by my ear.

"I appreciate that," I whispered back. Holding behind the ache to say I love you too.

It has only been three weeks, was it too early for that? Even if it was just as friends? It was too easy. This new life, it fell together perfectly. I just lay there waiting for something bad to happen, because isn't that how life is supposed to work? It isn't simple. It's full of abuse and hate and sadness. When was it going to begin. My eyes folded together closed. I fell back asleep. To wake up finding Marc's arms still there. He never let go.

                        ***********

"Good morning Sleeping Beauty," he let out a yawn.

"Good morning to you too Prince Charming," I began to play along.

"You start getting ready, I think I wanna go on that walk now," he smirked and walked out of my room.

I brushed my long black hair, now long and almost covering around my waist. It was straight but still wavy. I looked in the mirror. I didn't look dead. I looked as I always did. I was still warm, not cold and lifeless. I lost the thought and went toward my wordrobe. I open a drawer showing me an off-white dress. As always, with the blood stains.

It was a breath taking, yet casual dress. It had a sweet heart neckline with thin straps. The fabric wasn't very soft but not itchy either. It had two bottoms as decoration coming down from the neckline. The dress came to my knees but wasn't very flowy, it was like an upside-down tea cup. I then grabbed long grey socks and my brown combat boots going out the door.

Marc was casually pressed up against the front door, trying to look smooth I guess. Today he wore a red and black flannel over his white shirt. I liked the change.

"Well well well, look he decided to show up," he fooled around, "Why do you always look absolutely stunning?"

I smiled a bit a grabbed his hand. His fingertips glided against mine. I loved the feeling. He turned the doorknob and we headed outside. We walked down the street for a while before I began to shiver. It was usually so warm I wasn't used to colder weather, where it could have only been seventy-five degrees ferenhite. Marc quickly noticed and took off his flannel and put it on me.

It was large around my skinny arms. I was diagnosed with anorexia in seventh grade, when I was thirteen, so my bones always showed through.
We walked in to a park, which looked amazing. Like something you would see in the movies. Except most of the flowers were roses. The colors only varied from black, red, white, grey and dark purple. My favorites. We walked by a large stone which had a stream flowing behind it. There was rose bushes surrounding it. Marc lifted me up and sat me down on it. I couldn't help but laugh. Then he jumped up on it next to me. I rested my head on his shoulder, still stunned at the places he takes me.

"Skylar," he said gently, "I want this new life to be perfect for you. And I want to be there with you experiencing your depression wonder away. That's why I'm asking you to be my girlfriend. I know it's only been what, three weeks? But since you got here I knew you were the girl I wanted for a while now.  We wouldn't have so much in common and your room wouldn't have been put in my house, now ours, I wouldn't have even met you yet I'm sure if the workers didn't plan this. Please."

"Well, that is tempting," I smiled, "What the hell, I'd be delighted to have you as my boyfriend."

I never had a boyfriend. He gently wrapped his large palms around my forearms and leaned me closer. He pressed his lips against mine. It was pleasant and soft. A warm feeling fell over me washing me in happiness. He leaned back. That was my first kiss. Even if it is in my start over, it was the first. I reached across him and returned a kiss. I smile fell across my mouth as it happened. I kissed his cheek twice then his forehead once. He slid his hand over mine as I crossed myself back.

"What was that for?" He smiled.

His teeth were straight and bright white. His lips were soft and now had red lipstick across from where I kissed him. I took my thumb and lightly wiped it off.

"I owed you one. And a few more," I put my head in his lap laying across the boulder we were on. It was beautiful. The setting, the sun, and him. This was a small taste of happiness. I never want it to end.