Depression Kills

Chapter 7

The sun was beginning to set. It was glimmering over the horizon. Marc and I were still sitting there, like we were all day. It was like what we would do everyday. Just talk.  I didn't feel dead anymore, I felt more alive than living. Before, I was dead. Now, it's only the beginning.

"How about we go out for some dinner? All the chefs here are amazing cause their dreams were not accomplished. Now they can be and, man, they sure achieved it here," he told me.

"Sure... I guess. Except you know I'm still trying to eat normally, get over anorexia right?" I questioned his knowledge.

"Yes, and this will help. I promise," he assured me.

I lifted my head off of him. He jumped from the rock landing sturdy on his feet. He reached his arms out and nodded as a cue it was time for me to jump too. I never was a person who'd spring in to a person's arms, though I was never given a chance. But I went along with it. Leaping from the rock and safely in his arms. He spun me around. I lifted my feet up and laughed before he put me down with a kiss on the cheek.

"Killing myself, it didn't seem like the answer before I met you," he told me under his breath.

I looked at his eyes. The pinks, blues, purples and oranges in the setting sun bounced off them. They glimmered. The grey that was there was now silver and the blue was brighter than ever.

"I have to say I am happy I did it. Not that other people should, but the mistake I made turned out to be alright," I smiled.

"I'm glad we were put together through all this shit we dealt with before too," I grinned back.

We kept walking  and stopped at a shop. Given to someone who wanted it but never got it because of suicide. It smelled amazing! Like fresh produce and sweets. I was ashamed that we were just  given things we never had in our past instead of earning it. It made me feel spoiled but maybe that's just how I was raised.

"Two salad's please," I saw Marc ordering.

The place looked organic. It even had organic artwork on the wall, very modern and colored.  The counter was a dark wood and granite counter tops. Along with the other tables scattered around.

"If you want to stay your boney self, I suggest we eat healthy so you have no reason to starve yourself," he assured me to get through things.

"Well fine then, but it will take a while to get used to," I told him.

"It might. Besides I have bad news for you... Our viewing day is tomorrow," his smile fell.

"Viewing day? What's that?" I asked flourished in confusion.

"Well, every so often we have to go watch something bad in the past that happened to us. Then we watch what the people that were in our lives before are doing now. Or the present," he explained.

I didn't want to go. I didn't want to watch that. I didn't want Marc to see what happened to me. Yes, he heard me talk about it, but I didn't want him to see it. I didn't want to know what my parents where doing. All it would be is fighting and my father abusing my mother. I already knew that. Maybe I didn't want to see Marc's life before either. To be fair he got kicked out of his house. Maybe this could be a good thing, maybe show the small good things we forgot about.
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That night Marc slept in my bed again. Even though we were both awake scared for tomorrow. Marc was trembling and looked like he was going to cry. He'd tense up and shake. As for me, the tears already dripped down my face. Slowly and suddenly I'd feel a cold droplet slide down my cheek bone and to my chin.
Marc turned toward me, trying to act relaxed. He put his arms around me holding me with affection. I felt his palms on my back and fingers along my spine

"I'm sure everything will be alright," he took his thumb and wiped a tear from my face.

"How are you sure it will be?" I moved my chin down lowering my face, my sob continued.

"Because we will be with each other the whole time," he pressed his forehead against mine, "I know we are dead there, but we are well enough alive here. What is in the pass is there. We don't live that life."

"Yes but those people are why I killed myself! My depression started with them," I reminded him

"But you aren't there anymore. You are with me now. I would never do the things they did to you, alright?" He left off saying.

"Alright"

He held me tight, letting me know I was safe. I always noticed how selfless he was. He focused on me all the time. Was it a flaw from his past maybe? Or he really does care. I didn't know. At times I didn't understand him. Yet, he made me happy. Happiness is what I needed. Even though depression and sadness always found a way to overthrow that. I guess I still focused too much on my past. Now that I'm forced to it hurts more. I wish I could help Marc. I wish he'd tell me more instead of helping me. Except I'm entering his dark place. That would be enough to tell me what happened before his suicide.