You said

Too many.

A lot of people will agree that too many is not ideal. That's obvious ain't it?

Depends on what thing we're talking about.

I say crowds. Don't we all hate crowds? Well, not everyone. I guess there are freaks who think crowds are the absolute pinnacle of err, entertainment. Whatever they call it.

Okay I'm a hypocrite for calling them freaks, but I stand by my opinion.

A lot of times when I go to a crowded place or somewhere where I know it's gonna be full of people, my stomach turns. I just feel ill. It's the gut, twisty thing, you ever felt that? No? I'm sure at least one of you has.

As you can tell, I'm not a social person. Just not my vibe you know? I try to be when it is 'required.' Like in school settings, work environment, but I try to not actually engage in it because it tires me.

Too much I say, better to stay at home where everything I know is at the right place. It's safe and I can finally be myself.

One downside is I actually like some company, a person who actually engages in conversations with me, not because we're obligated to because we're classmates or workmates. Feels nice that there's actually people who wants to know you better.

Of course that's only my pipe dream, I've never actually have a friend that close. I can only imagine haha.

Like I said, too much is not good, too much interaction, too much talking, too much everything. I'm just really tired that this is how the world works.

If I do try to make some friends, I'll just be bored. If we ain't having the same interest then it won't work out. We'll try to talk but in the end I'll be bored and not really care for them, which is sad but that's just how I see it.

It's honestly pretty daunting. Am I really that sad and tired to actually care anymore? Whatever's holding me back, I'm kinda thankful. I don't think I can handle a lot right now.

Too much is just, too many, I know how obvious it is, but sometimes we have to be blunt in order to actually face the shit that we have to deal with.

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This was written on July-August, funny how I think differently now. Lol.

Hopefully I've improved, by the time I'm writing this, it is currently February 8, 2022