The Heathens

Chapter 2: A Rough Start

Riley

"One-hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one-hundred bottles of beer!" I yell in anattempt to annoy J. I'm a very stubborn person who holds grudges and needs payback not to feel awful all the time. "Take one down, pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall!"

"Shut up!" J yells at me from the driver's seat of the car. While I have just accomplishedthe thing that I thought would make me feel better, I kind of just feel worthless now. You're sucha jerk. Why would you even do that? But, of course, you knew that would happen. I love untreated depression.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. What music would you prefer? Something pop? Rock?" I ask in anattempt to find some satisfaction from this situation. I know it's rude of me, but I'm stillreally upset with J. 

"Just be quiet! You're getting on my nerves!" J yells at me. They stare at me with a lookof pure malice. They have the right to be so mad at me. I understand that it wasn't smartfor me to do what I did, but it was London's fault for leaving me alone, and they shouldn't havecome to my house without asking for permission. I don't feel like they should hate me because ofit. Maybe they shouldn't, but you deserve it.

"What are you going to do to stop me? Kill me?" I say with a little laugh. "You still can'tseem to get it...."

"You still haven't made up yet?" Karma says, clearly done with all our nonsense. I feelsorry that she has to deal with us.

"No," I say with a sigh. My brain begins to race. What the hell's wrong with you? You'reletting your problems affect others. You should just shut up and stop existing you mistake. I feelmyself go down the spiral. You deserve to die. What's wrong with you? You're a monster. Isqueeze my eyes shut, trying to hide the pain. 

"Well, it's his fault!" J yells.

I flinch. It feels as if they've stabbed me. I have no other way to let this out, so I laugh. 

"Really? It's my fault that you came to my house unannounced and I just so happened to be—" 

"Really, Riley?" J yells at me. "The fact that I was there is the only reason you're here."

 "I don't want to be here!" I yell. I can feel my whole body shaking. I wish I couldunbuckle myself from the seat I'm sitting in and jump out of the car into the road. I feel my eyesbegin to water and immediately scold myself. Why are you the way you are? You're such anawful person. You don't have the right to cry. That's not what they need you for.

"Then why'd you agree to come?" J asks me. I can see the anger radiate from them. "Youknow you would have died if you stayed. Why'd you come?"

"It was for her!" I yell. "Why else would I have done it? If I stayed with her they wouldhave killed us both!" The thought of causing her pain makes me feel dizzy and light-headed likeI might pass out or vomit.

"So he does have emotions," J says with sarcasm heavily coating their voice. I wish Icould curl up into a ball and cry. 

"Shut up," I yell. 

"Come on. We don't have time for this! Just make up already," Karma yells at me. At thismoment, it feels like the whole world's against me. Like I can't be good enough no matterwhat I do. No matter how hard I try. That's because you aren't good enough.  

"Really?" I ask in disbelief. "Now I need to make up because they went into my housewhile I was—"

"Riley! Drop it!" Karma yells at me again. "I know you can't see it right now but youboth seriously screwed up!" While I know she's right; it still feels cruel. You're wrong for beingupset. If anything, you're cruel. You should just open your car door, unbuckle yourself from theseat, and—