Tears of Africa

CHAPTER THREE

Time passed and he wanted to marry me. His father despised that thought. Who would go to the lobola negotiations? Who would pay for them? He didn't want to waste his money on a 'fool.'

In our culture, before marriage, lobola negotiations must take place. You may know it as 'bride wealth.' It is a process where the two families meet. The male's family gives gifts to the female's family in gratitude of letting the husband marry their daughter.

Mnqobi's father refused to participate, he refused to take part in a 'children's play.' His uncles however took his place and attended the negotiations. They gifted my family with umqombothi, traditional sorghum beer as 'ivulamlomo.' They gave them blankets, pinafores, doeks, shawls, three foot pots, grass mats for women, beer pots and ten cows.

My uncle accepted them without complaint, he would do anything to get rid of me — but I loved him though. He may have hated me, insulted me and tried everything he could in his power to see me away, which in the end he did, he was still my uncle and it was because of him that my mother survived the villager's insults and mistreatment.

The wedding took place and everyone was there, to send me — us off. Mnqobi and I were going to the cities, for a better life. He had found a job as a taxi driver. You should have seen the smirk on my uncle's face. He was happier than I was for my own marriage but I didn't care. I was very glad he was happy, at least the repulsion in his face dissolved. I was glad for him.

My mother and sister were sad to part with me — so was I. We were leaving our lives behind, our family. Mnqobi was excited; he was leaving his father behind, who was not there to send him off. He was in his house, drunk. He didn't even know it was a wedding. All he knew was how wonderful his beer was.

We had a traditional wedding and completed everything needed to have our ancestors accept us as one item. Before leaving we went to a mountain, our favourite spot. We looked down at the village, how beautiful it was.

We looked at each other and made wedding vows before God. We each made a promise to each other. We vowed to grow together, to withstand all the challenges life brought us. I still remember his vows.

"I vow to be true to you as my wedded wife, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I vow to love and honour you all the days of my life until death do us part. You will never lack, you will never need. I make this vow in the presence of God."

We left the village for our brand new happy life. We were away from the criticism, the hate, and disgust. He made his way to the top in the taxi business. I didn't want him working there, it was too dangerous. There were just too many taxi wars and killings for routes and for people. In one year only there were two hundred and fifty-eight people dead and two hundred and eighty-seven injured. I didn't want him near this taxi industry.

He never listened. He was doing it for the both of us, for the life he promised but if it meant I had to lose my husband for it, I didn't want it. My happiness was him; he was all I ever needed. I didn't want to wake up to find him murdered or his head delivered to me in a box, but he never listened. He rose to the top.