Rivalry between us

Chapter 4

Love asan kana ba?
Nandito nako sa gate
It's been almost 10 minutes that I've been waiting for mich but she didn't show up yet. Napapraning ako pag ganito.
I kept on checking my phone, but there's no message yet.
Even taxi's, I haven't seen any passing. What a day for me!
I don't know if I'm starting to get mad or am I worrying now.
A rain blasted which it mades me get soak wet. Imagine yung pagod ka tapos nabasa kapa ng ulan.
But that's not what I'm really thinking about.
The rain is heavy and I haven't got any umbrella with me.
Adi pupunta kaba?
Deann's I just wanna talk
Five minutes lang, kahit ganon lang kaikli
Please Deanns
I beg of you
Nandito nako
Hihintayin kita dito
Kahit emoticon lang ireply niya sakin will be so much enough.
I kept my phone on my bag when it started to get wet because of the rain. I'm very much soak wet now, but I don't really mind though I really wanna talk to Deanna.
My body is already shaking. My heart beat becomes uncontrollable.
Sana naman puntahan niya ko.
Ako parin girlfriend niya, I know hindi niya ko matitiis.
I stood up on the sideroad, patiently waiting for the cute smiling lady to arrive.
Ayoko mag give up, not on Deanna.
I repeatedly checked my phone. But there's no any message.
My body started to get very much cold and my sight becomes blurry now.
I've been standing here since lunch and I even didn't notice that I haven't eaten yet. But I didn't mind it and still continued to stand on the side road. Kahit puno wala dito so wala akong choice kundi magpabasa.
My phone started vibrating, that made me smile. Sabi ko nga hindi niya ko matitiis.
I didn't check it anymore but instead immediately answered it.
Deans?
Babi?
Papunta kana ba?
I'm a little disappointed. It was Ate Fen.
"Bhe ano ba?"
"Umuwi kana dito!"
I replied, "hindi teh, hihintayin ko pa po si deanna."
"Bhe, please umuwi kana. San kaba ha?"
I replied, "Basta teh, dito lang po ako hihintayin ko siya."
"Bhe tama na, maawa kanaman sa sarili mo."
I don't know why I just started crying out of nowhere. I don't know but biglang bumigat yung dibdib ko.
"Hindi teh, hihintayin ko po siya dito, mahal niya po ako hindi niya po gagawin yan sakin kase alam niya."
She sighed. "I'm going to send you something. At please, pagisipan moto."
"Sana naman ngayon sarili mo naman, Kai."
"Ubos na ubos na yung sarili mo."
I end the call, and my phone buzzes for a message.
I closed my eyes and look up, feeling everything.
Should I open it?
I know masasaktan ako.
I let out a deep sigh then slowly opened the message of Ate fen.
It's a video.
It's a video of Deanna with another girl.
They were so sweet. Holding hands. Kissing. Hugging.
Then another picture.
She's with a girl.
She captioned the post with a '❤️'
Dali dali kong inistalk yung instagram account ni Deann, but I couldn't see her name nor can message her.
She blocked me.
She blocked me.
I went to her facebook account and twitter.
Wala, lahat hindi ko masearch nor even can message her.
Biglang nandilim yung paningin ko.
Thoughts were running on my head again.
Do I deserve this?
Did I do something wrong?
May mali ba sakin?
Paano?
Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit.
That kind of pain that you were already numb.
That kind of pain na hindi mo na ma explain.
That kind of pain that you don't need to force yourself to cry kase lumalabas na lang instantly.
For a moment, everything went on a slow motion especially seeing her face right in front of me.
"Akala ko nakauwi kana." she said. I realized, it was the reality already not a flashback.
"Uh.."
No words can comeout. I felt blank.
She came closer and wipe me off. "Basang basa kana ah."
She pulled me right in front of her car. I felt her hands. For the last two years. I felt it again.
She opened her car, that's when I comeback from my senses. "Ah no..." I let go from her pull immediately.
"May hinihintay ako." I insisted.
"Sige na, kahit sa loob kana lang mag hintay." she continued.
"Okay lang promise." I respond.
"No, hindi okay."she said.
I shook my head. "Dito lang ako."
She look to me. Damn, I miss her face so much. I miss her scent. I miss pinching her cheeks. I miss seeing her smiling at me. I miss her voice. I miss everything about her.
Napahawak bewang siya, "sige, eh di parehas tayo magpa basa dito." she stood beside me, getting herself be soak wet too.
"Ano kaba?" I look to her. "Okay lang ako dito."
She faced me."Hindi okay."
"Kailan man hindi naging okay." That one hits me. Now, I get started to get teary but it didn't get obvious because of the rain, thank God!
Why am I even taking her words deeply and meaningful. Ang tanga naman.
"Kaya ko naman eh." She just look at me. "Promise, kaya ko."
She just freeze and stared at me.
I felt the pain again.
Any minute sasabog ako.
Ang sikip sikip na ng dibdib ko, ayoko na.
She pulled me forcedly and let me go inside her car then she close the door and went to the driver's seat.
It was so quiet. And I don't have the plan to speak too.
"Dito kana lang maghintay." Her aura is so serious. Deanna is the most bossy I've ever known. Kung ano ang gusto, yun talaga.
I didn't respond nor even look to her. I face the window instead and turn my body into it.
I know she's looking. But I never dared to look back too.
A towel is all I saw as she handled it on my lap. I turn my sight to her but she ignored my look too.
I accepted the towel and goes wiping my face and hair.
Out of nowhere.
She says, "Are you really gonna choose lasalle?"
I bit my lips to calm myself.
"I haven't think about it yet." I simply replied.
"Well, I hope you'll choose Ateneo then." she looks to me. I turn my direction to her too. We glued our eyes with each other for awhile but I was the one who looked away immediately.
"I just want to focus on what's happening right now, for the meantime." I said.
She nod multiple times. "Good."
She played on her wheels as an awkward silence took over us.
Suddenly, "napano yan?" she asked, looking on my scar at my wrist.
It was tragic past from that past. On that day when deanna left me was also the day when I come out as bisexual to my parents and they didn't accept me. They turned away from me too. I was so much on trust in deanna that she won't do that to me as well, cause she's all that I have that day. But then, that happens. I was so miserable that time. I couldn't think of anything. I have nowhere else to go. Yung mga teammates ko uuwi rin that day. I have no home na uwian. So instead, I slit my wrist and was just found unconscious in the dorm. I felt lucky, I was still alive.
I cover up the scar and faced the other direction. "Some kind of a bruise."
She sigh, showing the expression that she's not satisfied of my answer. I look to her, she went back at staring at me. Her stares makes you wanna glue your eyes to her.
I immediately look away.
I have this feeling inside me that I wanna trust her again, but at the same time I'm too scared of it too.
.
My phone buzzes so I open it up immediately.
Michy
Lovee sorryyy
Nakauwi kana ba?
Im here on the condo na. I'll wait for you here na lang.
Im sorry
Im so tired kase
"May problema ba?" she ask.
"Wala." I smiled.
"Baba na'ko." I said to her.
"Nasaan yung hinihintay mo?" she scan on the road then look to me.
"Hindi daw siya makakapunta." I replied.
"Eh pinahintay kana ah? Tapos nabasa ka pa at yung ending hindi ka rin pala pupuntahan? Gago yun ah." she let out.
She look to me, very much piss. "Sino ba kase yan?"
I took the courage to answer it. "Girlfriend ko." Her face change.
"Sino?" she's eager for answers and her face shows. "Sino yung girlfriend mo?"
I look away. "Michelle Cobb."
She lay her back on the seat. She looks disappointed.
"Matagal na kayo?" Sa tono pa lang, ang angas na.
"6months." I answered.
"Good for you." why she looks piss?
"Thanks." I smiled.
She look to me again. "Mukhang hindi ka naman masaya sa kanya."
"She can't even bring back your smile." That made me swallow my saliva hardly.
"I don't need anyone to fix me." I cleared out. "And she's there for me." Her looks says it all.
"Kahit naging star player siya." I look away immediately when I let that out.
Deanna became so quiet. She couldn't even respond.
"Sige, baba na'ko. Thanks." I didn't wait for her response and instead I instantly open the door but she immediately rush on my seat to close it.
"Deanns." I look to her.
"Babi." She corrected it. But she's still look piss.
She went back on her seat and started to drove the car.
"Deanna na ngayon." I correct her too.
"Iba na yung tumatawag sayo na babi." I laugh.
She wasn't reacting. She still look mad. "At may iba rin na tumatawag sayo na Love? Ganun ba yun?"
I just stared at her. "Oo." She glance at me. "Ganon yun."
"Why did you even transfer to another condo?" She changes the topic. "Nagsasama kayo?"
"Hindi." I answered. "Alang naman magstastay ako dun, eh condo mo yun." I tried to express a laugh.
"Not funny." Galit talaga siya. As in galit.
"Okay lang naman yun sakin eh. Bakit kailangan mo pang lumipat." she added.
"Deann's you blocked me. How can I even assume that it's okay with you." I laugh again.
"You should just text me instead." She said.
"You're not even replying. So, I just thought you changed your number." I replied.
she pause, "I read it."
I look to her.
So, She knows that I'm overthinking about what is happening with us.
That I'm worrying.
That I can't concentrate to my trainings because of her.
That I'm having my breakdowns.
That I've been waiting for hours.
And she just let it all happen.
Kumirot nanaman ulit yung dibdib ko. I didn't expect this.
Okay na yun sana na I let myself believe that maybe she changed her number pero x2 pa pala yung pain pag ganito maririnig mo.
"I guess you really don't care about me anymore." I chuckle, wiping my tears while looking at the window.
She didn't answer. She didn't respond.
So, it's true.
I felt brainless. I felt stupid. I felt the pain again.
"Ghoster." I tried to joke off the pain. I just don't want to feel it.
"Diyan na," I said to her when I saw the building of my condo.
She stopped the car and parked. "Thank you ha." I smiled.
I went down and she did too. She's just smiling and while staring.
Deanna has this papi mensu aura talaga.
She likes to bit her lips, to play with her tongue, to wink. A man's way to attract ladies is the same way how deanna attracts girls.
"Uh-Kai?" She said.
"Huh?" I raise my two brows.
I waited for a minute before she came closer and kisses my cheeks then she went back to her car and drove away.
She's in a hurry while doing that while I was also into a slow process of sinking it in.