"Peter?"

Numb.

A/n - Ok so this I gonna be a very angsty book so be warned a lot of it will probably be triggering so pls proceed with caution (though it might have a happy ending, idk I'll see how it goes lol), I will also put specific trigger warnings on each chapter as well, stay safe! :)

TWs for this chapters - self-harm, suicide

Word count - 936
_____________________________________________

Numb.

That's all he felt and all he had felt after May's death, and he hated himself for it. He should feel something surely, he should be sad and angry and everything else that came with grief but he just, wasn't. He was just numb.

-

Sat on his bathroom floor at the avengers tower, where he had been staying since May had died and Tony had taken him in, he stared at the shinging new razor blade in his hand. He hadn't done this in so long, not since Uncle Ben had died. But he needed to feel something, anything, even if it was this.

He made promise to himself he'd only do it a little bit, and only on his legs so it was easy to hide from everyone. He didn't want Tony to know about, after all Tony already had enough to worry about with being Iron Man and a billionaire and all, never mind Peter and his stupid pathetic life.

He dragged the shinging blade across his skin and watched as trails beads of blood began to form, slowly turning into streams of crimson red liquid.

Well, least he stuck to one of his promises.

-

So much for only a little bit he thought as he let out a small, hollow laugh and stared down at his now blood sodden thigh and blood covered razor blade.

Peter hadn't realised quite how much he was actually bleeding until now, he quickly grabbed some bandages from his stash he kept under the sink just incase he got injured on patrol or anything and began to wrap them around his bloody leg.

The blood quickly began to seep through the first layer of bandages. So using what little first aid knowledge he had, Peter began to wrap his leg again with the bandages, remembering to not take of the first lot as it could make it bleed more.

After he'd put the second bandage on, the bleeding began to subside and when it didn't soke through the second layer Peter decides he was in the clear, he pulled on his pajama bottoms, cleaned up the bathroom floor, and headed of to bed.

-

He awoke in the morning feeling almost, but not quite, as numb as ever. As he stood up a shooting pain shot through his leg and he was reminded of what had happened last night and he felt so incredibly guilty about it.

Though along with the guilt he did at least feel slightly less numb, however he wasn't sure if this was a good thing. While he hated feeling numb he also hated showing any emotion, no one could see him so weak, ever. Even if his aunt had just died, he was spiderman, and spiderman was strong, brave and a hero, not some kid who couldn't even deal with his own emotions, right?

-

After going down for breakfast and managing to appear fine and even somewhat happy to everyone, he decided he was going to go on patrol. He he hadn't been in a while and he needed to keep up the image of being spiderman aswell, even if Tony had told him to take a break for a while.

Peter swung around the city, helping little old ladies cross the street, helping get people's stolen stuff back and fighting robbers, muggers and other assorted criminal's. Surprisingly, going on patrol was making him fe a little better, or maybe it was just because he could forget everything that was going on in his life when he had the mask on.

After a few hours of this he began to feel a little tired. Just as he began to swing back to the tower, he saw a young girl being mugged by some random man and he ran over to help. He defeated an webbed up the mugger and helped the young girl up out of the dirt, she can't have been much older than him.

"Thank you spiderman, thank you" she said incredibly thankfully, "I'm May by the way"

Peter stood half in shock for a second before kind of stumbling over his words and saying something like, "Well nice to meet you ma'am" before swinging off.

Very quickly all his emotions hit him at once. He wasn't sure why, maybe it was because the girl was called May, maybe it was just timing, Peter didn't know. But wnat he did know was that everything that had happened in the passed week hit him like a train.

-

He suddenly found himself stood on the roof of a tall building, staring over the edge to the street below with an overwhelming urge to just jump.

He didn't really remember how he got there, but he knew what he had to do, for the sake of everyone else in his miserable life, he had to jump.

He was about to step off the edge, then everything would be so peaceful, he would no longer be a burden to everyone in his life, he would be fre-

"Peter?"

-

A/n: This is my first time writing a proper book that isn't just one shots so it probably won't be great lol. Anyway I hope you enjoy it regardless.

Published - 15/08/21