Unlovable

Thirteen

~Isabel~

"'Cause they loved one another and never discovered 'cause they were too afraid." -Conan Gray

~~~

Isabel only stared at Allison, pure shock written across her face.

"I- what?" Isabel choked out.

Allison showed no emotion as she explained, "I told you history likes to repeat itself. I wasn't kidding. When Will told me what happened, and what he did for you, it took everything in me not to ball up on the floor and cry." Allison could have cried right then, from what Isabel could tell. She was handling this beautifully. "The thought that something like that could happen to the girl my brother- to one if my brother's friends," she continued, "is horrible."

Isabel, keeping her composure, spoke.
"How do you do it?" she asked. "How do you walk around everyday, knowing people like that exist. How do you cope with the fear that one 'no' will never be enough? No matter how much courage you possess, 'no' isn't enough."

A tear fell from Allison's eye, streaming down her cheak and off her chin.
"It took a long time," she said through her tears. "Sometimes I still have bad days, where all I want to do is sit in bed and cry."

Isabel knew that all to well. The feeling of emptiness, numbness, like you don't have a care in the world.

Allison continued. "Emmit helps a lot with that," she smiled, "forcing me out of bed, getting my mind off things. I wouldn't be where I am without him."

History likes to repeat itself.

Isabel thought about Will, and his influence on her. That undeniable bond they've had even before they knew each other.

Isabel glanced at Allison. "Did you know it was him? Emmit. When he...saved you."

"At the time, I didn't know him. But, unlike you and Will, I saw his face, and remembered it. We never actually started talking and getting to know each other until about a year after. Everyday, I tried to work up the courage to talk to him. And everyday, I got one step closer." Allison audibly swollowed.

"Eventually, it came to my attention that he would be leaving for college early," she said, "He got an academic scholarship that offered him on-campus education during his junior and senior year. He would be leaving me, and I never really had him in the first place."

It was as if the rolls were handed off to Isabel and Will, like this was some elaborate show played constantly by different actors. But Will couldn't leave her, could he?

Isabel played with a loose string on her jeans. She had no words, only thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Both of them would be leaving for college soon. One of them, if Isabel couldn't figure out a good career path.

Isabel breathed in through her nose, her eyes meeting Allison's once more. "I need a plan," she said, "Something to... help... Mend me."

Allison laid a hand on top of Isabel's. To many, Allison seemed to be pure, natural beauty and grit. But Isabel knew. The side of her she saw wasn't seen by many. Couldn't be seen. She had hidden it away, or rather, extinguished it.

She didn't hide away her emotions, Isabel thought. She coped, and worked through them. This was something Isabel couldn't quite grasp. The lingering anger and sadness for what happened always stuck with her, and how to get rid of it was unknown to her.

"You are not broken, Isabel. Not in the slightest. If you were, you wouldn't be here talking to me. But if I were you, I'd take your peer's advise. Assuming your parents know. If they don't, when you're ready, I suggest you tell them. My parents helped me through a lot, and for that, I will be forever grateful for them, and myself for telling them."