Joey spent the weeks in LA wishing he and Lauren had spent longer saying goodbye. He knew they'd dragged it out as long as they could, and it wouldn't make it any less painful, but he felt as though he was missing a piece of him, some vital organ, and all he had to hold onto were the memories they shared. But already the feeling of that last kiss was becoming fuzzier in his mind, and he wanted to lay in his bed all day and cry at the fact that he would never experience it again.
During a break in shooting, he went to visit his parents. He figured it was better than moping around his apartment by himself, even though all he wanted was to shut himself off from the world which lacked all vibrance without Lauren.
"Do you want to invite Lauren?" his mom had asked him the week before he came.
He mulled the idea over. He desperately wanted to see her, of course, but he wasn't sure if the wound of their goodbye would still be too fresh for her. He decided to at least ask her. They'd continued to speak over text most days, and on the phone at least once a week, even though there was more of a stiffness between them now; neither of them could bear to let the friendship go.
"What if she says no?" he asked, as if his mom had the answer to that.
"Then you'll be able to visit her in Michigan in a few months anyway," she told him, as though it was that simple.
After the way he'd left things with Lauren, and a lot of debate with himself, he'd decided against making a permanent move back to Michigan once he was done shooting, at least for the time being, not wanting to make things more difficult for her. But he was beginning to doubt more and more that she would even want him to visit her. Doubt that increased when she replied saying she was busy with work and wouldn't be able to make it out to California. He wanted to believe it was the truth, but with the way things were between them he couldn't help but wonder if it was just an excuse not to have to see him in person. He couldn't blame her if it was. The thought of being with her again, hugging her, breathing in the smell of her, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh, only to have it all taken away again, was too much for him to bear.
So he went to his parents alone. His spirits were lifted briefly; besides Lauren, they were his two favourite people in the world. But it wasn't long before the conversation turned to that sore spot.
"It's a shame Lauren couldn't make it," Denise said at dinner. She'd taken so strongly to the girl that Joey almost regretted introducing them.
"Mhm," he mumbled, hoping she'd take the hint to let the subject drop. But she persisted.
"Have you spoken to her about visiting when you're done shooting?"
"Not yet."
"You should. I think it'll be good for you to have something to look forward to."
Joey supposed she'd noticed he was more withdrawn than usual, and though he knew she only wanted the best for him, he couldn't begin to explain just how deep the heartache went.
"I think she's pretty busy at the moment," he said evasively.
"That's why you want to give her lots of notice. I'm sure she'll be able to make time to see you."
"You really think that, mom?" he asked, in a voice sharper than he'd ever spoken to her before, and surprise registered on her face.
"Of course I do. She clearly loves your company."
"Well, I'm not so sure," he said, folding his arms as though if he made himself small enough he could just disappear.
"What do you mean, honey?"
"I broke her heart leaving her, mom. I'm pretty sure she hates me now."
"She couldn't hate you-"
"Then why does she end all our calls early now?" he snapped. "We used to be able to talk for hours, and now she's always telling me she has to go. She's moved on with her life. She doesn't want me to keep bothering her."
"I'm sure that's not true," Bob said, trying to placate him where his mom hadn't been able to. But if he didn't funnel out this emotion as anger, then it would manifest as wracking sobs, and Joey had been trying for weeks to keep those at bay.
"What does it matter?" he mumbled darkly. "It's not like we'll ever be together."
Bob reached out a hand to lay on his son's shoulder. "There'll be other girls, Joey."
Joey knocked the hand straight off. "But Lauren wasn't just a girl, dad. I wish she was just a girl."
"I know you love her-"
"I really thought I'd marry her someday," he interrupted, his voice cracking with emotion. He was unable to look at his parents for a moment, and when he did their pitying expressions made him push back from the table.
"Joe, wait-"
"I'll see you guys tomorrow," he said, and went upstairs to his bedroom, needing to be alone for the rest of the night. As soon as he shut the door behind him he was unable to contain the wave of emotion, and he curled up under his duvet and sobbed. Everything he had said was true. Lauren wasn't just any girl; she was the love of his life. He may only have known her a few months, but he knew. He had already imagined their future together, and if he could have married her then, he would have done. Having to picture a future without her now felt fundamentally wrong.
A long while later, when the tears had calmed themselves to just sniffles, his door opened and someone sat on the bed beside him.
"It won't hurt like this forever, honey," his mom's voice said softly.
"It feels like it will," he whispered.
She pulled the duvet off of his head and wiped the tears from his cheeks, making him feel about five years old again.
"I think you'll always love her," she said. "But she wouldn't want you to obsess over her forever."
"She told me it was okay to move on," he admitted.
Denise smiled gently. "See? I know it won't be easy, but you should try. This isn't the end of the world."
Joey nodded, though he was sure she was wrong. Lauren was his world, and now she was gone. First as his almost-girlfriend, and gradually as his best friend too.
Apparently satisfied that she'd been of some help, Denise hugged him and then left him to wallow in self pity again. He kept thinking about what she had said, and what Lauren had said. Maybe if they could both move past the pain, it would be easier to reconnect as friends, which Joey really did want to do. Beneath the love he felt for her was a bond stronger than any other friendship he'd had. They just got each other.
So he began reaching out to her less and less often, until contact had faded altogether. He did get in touch with some of their other castmates, trying to disguise the fact that he was mostly asking after Lauren. He managed to get updates from a few of them, who first said she looked heartbroken but later said she seemed to be doing okay, and eventually he stopped badgering them too. He missed her more than he thought it possible to miss a person, but he held onto the hope that this was for the best. He knew his love for her wouldn't fade with time. But he did need to find something to do with his life, that much was true. So with a free summer ahead of him, he set out in search of a job.
A/N I feel terrible for being this mean to them, I think things will start looking up soon
