You Are Not Alone

End This

🚨WARNING🚨
This chapter contains suicide and blood.
Please don't read it if you think it's inappropriate for you.

"Joyce! Good morning.", my nanny wakes me up.

"Good morning.", I say and yawn.

I do morning hygiene and wear a a black t-shirt, gray leggings, black sneakers and a black coat. I apply some light makeup and spray some perfume. My driver drives me to college. I meet Addie on my way. We keep chatting on our way. We enter the room and Michael is in a green button up shirt, black pants and black loafers, doing something on his laptop. I don't greet him. He notices that. I walk past him.

"Good morning, Joyce.", he says smiling.

"Good morning.", I say emotionless.

"Hey, Rap God!", Jayden yells out.

Everybody cheers and claps. Michael looks at me confused and smiles.

I sit at the back with Addie and take my notebook out. I take a few notes while Michael is explaining the topics.

"This lecture will be so long. You can have a 10-minute-break.", Michael says.

"Thank goodness.", I mumble.

"Girl, are you okay?", Addie asks.

"Yes.", I say.

I walk out of the class. I take a cigarette and a lighter out of my pocket and start smoking.

"Hey.", Jayden says.

"Hi, Jayden.", I say.

"I listened to your rap which you released yesterday on YouTube and I just wanna tell you that I really loved it.", he says.

"Thanks.", I say.

"Do you wanna hang out sometime?", he asks.

"Sure.", I say.

"Do you live at campus?", he asks.

"No.", I answer.

"I think I know where you live.", he says.

"How?", I ask.

"I'm a big fan of yours.", he says smiling.

"Thanks.", I say. "We can hang out after the lecture."

"Yeah.", he says smiling.

We go in. Oh my god! I forgot that I'm still holding the cigarette in my hand.

"Does anybody have an ashtray?", I ask.

They all shake their heads.

"I have one.", Michael says.

"Yeah, thanks, Mr Jackson.", I say.

I go to his desk and he gives me the ashtray. I put out the cigarette and go back to my place.

"Please, concentrate now. The break is over.", Michael says.

He continues explaining the topics. I feel so disturbed and sad. I can't concentrate. Instead of taking notes I keep doodling. The lecture is over. I meet Jayden in front of the door.

"Hey, Joyce.", he says.

"Hi, Jay! You can call me Joy.", I say.

"Well, where do you wanna hang out?", he asks.

"We can go to Dunkin' Donuts.", I say.

Michael walks next to us. He gives Jayden a weird look which nobody probably noticed except me. I roll my eyes and walk with Jayden.

"So, what are your hobbies?", I ask.

"I like play basketball and play the drums.", he says. "What about you, Joy?"

"I rap, breakdance and write poems.", I say.

"Cool.", he says. "Why don't you live at campus?"

"First, I lived here but I have problems with my housemate so I just moved out. I hate problems and fights.", I say.

"You can talk to me.", he says.

"Well, some dude named Jonathan was with us at a club. He tried to kiss me but I freaked out. So then Madison, a girl with me in the apartment said that I'm gay with a sarcastic tone which I didn't like. I have anger issues so I told her that it's none of her business. Then she said that she only asked me coldly. I was so angry and yelled at her and left. It was so embarrassing because the whole club was looking at me.", I say.

"Oh, I'm sorry for that.", he says.

"It's okay. How are you doing at campus?", I ask.

"I'm living with two other dudes. One of them is Joshua Mitchell. He's sometimes so annoying but I just ignore him.", he says.

We arrive at Dunkin' Donuts. I order a frozen coffee and a strawberry iced donut. Jayden orders an iced latte and a chocolate iced donut. We sit together and keep talking about our lives. He's so easy to talk to. I don't know why but most people who talk to me, also don't have parents who care about them. Maybe it's because we understand and feel each other's pain.

"Well, I guess I gotta go now.", I say.

"Yeah, me, too.", he says.

We stand up.

"Can I hug you?", we ask at the same time.

We laugh and hug each other tightly.

"Well, see you tomorrow Jay.", I say.

"See you tomorrow.", he says.

We walk away. I call my driver. Jayden waits till my driver comes and he walks away. He drives me home. I arrive home and realize that I haven't checked my phone. Some strange number texted me.

Hi, Joy!
I'm not telling you who I am because you'll probably block me. I know you'll know my voice. Please listen to the song, I sent you.

He has sent a voice memo. I open it and hear Michael's voice. I know his voice. I repeat it because I wasn't concentrating on the lyrics. I was concentrating on the fact that he texted me.

"Feels like a fire
That burns in my heart
Every single moment that we spend apart
I need you around
For every day to start
I haven't left you alone

Something about you
Is there in your eyes
Everything I'm looking for I seem to find
All this time away
Is killing me inside
I need your love in my life

I wanna spend, time to live in
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

Fought in a battle, where nobody won
Left ourselves a mountain to be overcome
You can't run away, the past is said and done
I need us to carry on

I wanna spend, time to live in
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

You tried everything, you never thought of before
When you live, in your love
And you give, in your love
Always give up some more
Nothing here means anything
Never did
I can live, I can breathe
I can die in my sleep
Cause you're always there in my dreams

I wanna spend, time to live in
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

I wanna spend, time to live in
I wanna fall with you again
Like we did, when we first met
I wanna fall with you again

(All of the time, here in my heart)", he sang.

I feel so sad now. I don't know why. I feel guilty. I feel like a backstabber. I'm just sick of all this. I know what I'mma do now. I'll just end my life and it'll feel better for sure. Nothing is going right. I find my breakfast tray on my nightstand. I take the knife and cut a little part of my skin. It hurts a bit but it still feels so good. I cut more. I see blood on the floor. Suddenly I feel myself falling on my bed.