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It's a dark romance. Jenny the younger sister is happy with her life but too many things she does not understand. Like, why does her sister Christine has no lover when she is almost 30, or what's the problem between Christine and her best friend Adam. Adam is one of the sweetest person, who has feelings for Christine, Jenny can easily read them but Adam will never make a move not even when he is sad about it. Jenny can feel they hide things from her.
And then she can also feel someone is keeping an eye on them, something that is not good, always gives her creppy feeling
This review has spoilers from chapters 1-5.
Dear Sidratulmonteher,
Thank you for the submission! I must admit, I was very surprised to see that your story is already 23 parts long, since I made it quite clear that I have a preference for shorter works that are in early development. But a story is a story, and I love to read! That being said, there are many issues with this work and this will be a very blunt critique. I hope that my bluntness does not come across as harsh or mean. This is meant to be constructive criticism!
Grammar There are two main points to make regarding grammar.
First, this story has some basic spelling mistakes peppered throughout—even in the description you submitted, you wrote "creppy feeling" instead of "creepy feeling." I'm not sure what device you're writing on, but I highly recommend that you revisit your chapters on the desktop site if possible, because you will be able to see the red underline which indicates that there is a spelling error. At the end of chapter 1, for example, you wrote "bycycle" instead of "bicycle."
Here's an example of the red underline that will show up as you're typing:
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If you click on it, you will be given suggestions to fix the word.
Second, the tense you use is... odd, from a reader's perspective. While admissible from a technical standpoint, fiction is typically written in the past tense, not the present tense (which is what you used). Here is a sample from chapter 1:
Present tense (what you wrote): "She kisses the ring.and gets out of her house.brings out a bycycle. she rides to her office.looking at her surroundings she smiles again. Feeling happy"
Past tense (what is more natural for the reader): "She kissed the ring.and got out of her house.brought out a bycycle. she rode to her office.looking at her surroundings she smiled again. Feeling happy"
Perhaps this is just your writing style. Again, it is technically correct! But it took me off guard and I felt the need to point it out since it is unusual.
Formatting and Punctuation The formatting and punctuation make the story very difficult to read, the most prominent issues being the lack of spacing between words and periods/commas, periods in inappropriate places, and frequent capitalization errors. I will use a passage from chapter 2 this time to illustrate my point, and give corrections:
