Messy Bittersweet Love

7. Bittersweet

BY THE END OF IT, Delilah was silently crying, Nate just stared at the ivory wall in silence with his best poker face on. Delilah looked at Nate, only to find him already looking at her. She thought he would be glaring at her. It was her fault, he would be spending the rest of his youth, if not most of his lifetime rotting in a prison cell. 

Even though it was clear to everybody that Delilah wasn't at fault here, the young girl couldn't help but feel guilty. It was something that Nova would often scowl her for, that and the constantly apologizing for stupid things, both habits were related to each other.

Even though Nate had his best poker face on, Delilah knew better. After years of being together, either as friends or lovers, Delilah knew him inside out, like the back of her hand. Just as he knew her just as well. 

Even under the court's white light their panels offered, the fucker looked good. Delilah looked at him, really looked at him, studying his every move, every feature, and every emotion swirling in those hazel orbs. He was rigid, straight, stiff posture, chin lifted (which Delilah thought it showed how arrogant Nate actually is), locked jaw, fingers interlocked together resting on the table in front of him. He didn't have his hands balled up in fists, but he had them clenched in some way, applying pressure to them.

Delilah came to the conclusion that Nate Black was uncomfortable.

That made her stilled, she never in her life thought she would see the day where Nate was uncomfortable, uneasy, distressed. Sure, she most probably is the only person in this court who picked on Nate's body language. Perks of being with him all those years, Delilah thought.

She suddenly caught his eye, and she involuntarily flinched. She couldn't help it. Nate gave her somewhat an apologetic look, and in response she froze in her place. She was utterly frozen in her place. If it probably wasn't for the fact that Delilah was aware of the tons of people present in the room, her jaw would of dropped unapologetically and in a quite obnoxious manner. Just like in the cartoons.

Delilah blinked in surprise, not believing her own eyes. Where the fuck is the Nate that beated her black and blue until she bled. Who is this person in front her?

The Nate Black she used to be in a relationship with would never show such emotion like remorse or guilt, let alone apologize or give apologetic looks. He would rather be caught dead than to do somewhat of an apologetic gesture, his ego is would never ever in his life let him do that. 

Delilah's head started to hurt from all the confusion and all the thinking. 

Wasn't I the one who got a blow to the head?

Once everybody had listened to what Nate's team said, the jury announced a break and then they would have the result.

****

Delilah took advantage of the break, darted to the bathroom, after telling Ally. Nova, who had come for moral support, took notice of this and quickly followed her best friend.

Delilah was hunched over the sink, gripping the counter so tight that her knuckles were white. She was breathing heavily, her chest moving up and down.

"Delilah?" Nova called out to her, stepping hesitantly into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. The brunette snapped her head up at the mention of her name.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"He apologized"

"He what?" Nova looked at her skeptical.

"He apologized, well- I, he didn't like- utter the apology, but he gave me an apologetic look"

Nova tilted her head to the side and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Like, what the actual fuck, Nova?" Delilah breathed out. The redhead just spluttered in response, raising her arms in a pathetic manner.

"So what?"

"So what?" Delilah took a deep breath "Nova, I swear to you, I know Nate better than anyone, probably even better than himself. He would rather be caught dead than showing remorse or guilt. I just don't understand it. It took me off ward. I mean, I- he wanted me to fucking die. And then he come's into court and gives me an apologetic look? An apologetic look?! This is not the Nate I used to know"

"So what if he gave an apologetic look, Delilah?" Nova raised her voice a little bit. Not much to overwhelm her friend, but loud enough to get her point across. "Delilah, honey. He's not fucking apologetic or guilty for what he did to you. He's guilty and apologetic because he got caught. See, there's a big difference. Don't pity him, he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve anything from you Delilah. Not your pity, love, or compassion. None of it."

The two girls were silent, Delilah was the one to break it with a tiny voice.

"I'm so-"

"Don't, Delilah" Nova raised her hand in order to shush her. She then said in a way more softer voice  than the one she previously used "I'm not mad at you, I swear," she said with a little laugh. "I just don't want you to go soft on him, or have mercy on him. Delilah, he almost killed you. Not only is he charged with domestic violence, but attempt of second degree murder. A fucking attempt to murder you, honey. Do you know how awful it was for me to see you in your death bed? And all because of some psychotic narcisistic fucker." 

Nova's eyes welled up with tears and her voice cracked at the memory. Delilah looked at her with soft eyes. Nova was one the strongest persons she had ever met, so the mere sight of her best friend breaking down had Delilah also with tears in her eyes. 

"I really thought I was too late, that you wouldn't make it. Seeing in the state Nate left you in was horrible, Delilah" Nova sobbed.

Delilah marched up to her best friend and hugged her with all her might. The two girl's remained in that position for a while. Once they had both calmed down, they broke the embrace.

"I'm so grateful for you, Nova"

"I'm so grateful for you, Delilah" Nova replied with a little smile on her face.

They both washed their faces. Delilah, because she wanted to look presentable. Nova, because she didn't want anyone to know she just bawled her eyes out in a public bathroom. No one believes the redhead was even capable of crying, she had a reputation to uphold. 

After a reassuring look from both, they got out and went to take their place in the courtroom that was slowly filling in. 

****

"Nate Black has been found guilty of all charges, with a sentence of 18 years with possibility of patrol" 

Delilah felt Ally squeez her hand. "We did it!"

Delilah wasn't happy nor sad when Nate was escorted out by two police officers. She didn't feel anything when she caught his eyes one last time before leaving the room, and probably never seeing him again. 

It was as if she was underwater, looking at the door that closed behind a cuffed Nate.

Everything sounded so distant, the voices, the people who came up to her to congratulate her for the verdict, her mom's sobs. She felt as if she was on autopilot. 

She was suddenly being ambushed in a hug, that made her almost loose her footing. The comforting smell of warm cinnamon made her come up to her senses. 

"You're free" Nova whispered happily with teary eyes.

"I'm free" Delilah affirmed mirroring her expression.