Invictus

Hangover Forgiveness

Alec woke up with a raging headache, his phone buzzing with text messages he chose to ignore and a burning itch on his right side.

He growled and dragged his feet to the kitchen, gulping down two Advils and a tall glass of water, and sighed at the sound of his ringbell hurling through his ears. It couldn’t be Isabelle, because she never bothered with ringing the bell, and he knew it was too early for Jace to be up.

He ran a hand over his tired features and swallowed back a yawn as he opened the front door, only to startle at the sight of Max there.

“Hey, Max. What are you doing here?” he asked, not bothering to hide his surprise.

“We need to talk,” Max announced, with far more gravity than Alec was willing to endure at nine in the morning on a Sunday.

He pushed aside for Max to come in. When Alec had bought his apartment, he had made sure it was one with spaces wide enough for Max to move around in his wheelchair without too much trouble. It turned out to be more difficult than it should be, but he had found the perfect place in the end, after months of struggles.

“You want some breakfast?” he asked, following Max to the kitchen.

“Sit down,” Max said, on a tone that left no room for argument.

Alec frowned, but obliged, not before putting the coffee machine on. Something was telling him he was going to need one. Or ten.

“So, I’m going to talk and you’re going to shut up and listen,” Max stated without blinking, throwing him a defiant look. He paused, and waited for Alec to nod before he continued. “Jace and Izzy called me last night.”

“What?” Alec blurted. “I can’t believ-”

“Shut up and listen,” Max repeated sternly.

Alec closed his mouth abruptly, his hand shooting up to rub at his right side.

Max followed the movement with his eyes, heaving. “I know you feel guilty, no matter how many times I’ve told you not to. We’ve been watching you blame yourself for years and we just want you to move on. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. Your guilt is very real, but the foundation of it, Alec… It’s only in your mind. It’s not your fault. None of it is your fault.”

“I chose to take the bike,” Alec cut in, because he couldn’t help himself. “If I hadn’t -”

“Then maybe it would have happened some other time,” Max said, shaking his head. “We could have slipped on a patch of ice in the winter. We could have driven into a tree in the middle of spring. We could have tried to avoid a deer in the middle of fall. But we didn’t. We didn’t. It happened then and there and there’s nothing either of us can do to change it. What we can do is put it in the past and move on, though. If it means covering up what scars we can cover up, then why not.”

Alec pushed his palms against his eyelids, chewing on his bottom lip, but kept his mouth firmly shut.

“Alec,” Max called out softly. “I know you want to. Jace and Izzy know you want to. So what is blocking you?”

Alec shook his head, the words refusing to slip through his lips despite every nudge, despite how he longed to be able to just verbalize his doubts, to admit out loud what demons had been feeding on his qualms.

“Alec,” Max poked his knee.

“Because it’s not fair to you!” he finally exclaimed, his heart leaping in his throat.

Max startled, blinking away his surprise. For a while, there was silence.

He had blurted it out, he had said the words, and now the silence laid on his shoulders like a sharp knife, freezing him in fear. It seeped in his brain, paralyzing his mind and there was a tremor in his hands, but he couldn’t move. He could barely breathe.

And then, Max snapped out of his daze, if only to smack him roughly behind the head.

“And what do you suggest?” Max barked, clearly angry now. “Should we bust your kneecaps too? Do you think that’s what I wish?”

“W-What?” Alec breathed out, blanching. “No, of course not.”

Max seemed to calm down at his brother’s bewildered expression and he sighed, levelling him with a grave look. “Do you think I’m miserable, Alec? Do I look unhappy to you?”

“N-No.”

Max smiled, a soft, small smile that spoke louder than words.

“Then I see no reason why you should keep restraining yourself from something that could help you feel better about yourself,” Max said. “Just do it. Iz and Jace said they saw some of Magnus’ previous works and that he worked on scars before.”

Alec's stomach dropped at the mention of Magnus. “I doubt he'd still agree to do it.”

Max sighed, but it was lighter now, more playful. “What did you do?” he asked, oddly chastising. Alec didn't even have the time to gather his thoughts. “You lashed out on him, didn't you?”

Alec ducked his head shamefully, and nodded, feeling every bit like a child being caught doing something naughty.

He pushed his lips together. “I’ll just go and apologize tomorrow,” he mumbled. “I’ll think of something.”

Max tilted his head to the side to catch his eyes, lifting an eyebrow. “And?”

“And I’ll call Izzy and Jace and tell them I know they meant well but they were really out of depth,” he grumbled.

“And we’re really sorry.”

Alec startled and looked up, only to find Isabelle and Jace standing in the threshold of his kitchen, sheepish looks on their faces.

He rolled his eyes. His siblings were all little shits, there was not an ounce of doubt in his mind.

“I know,” he said.

Isabelle strode to him, circling his waist with her arms to pull him into a hug. Alec smiled despite himself, burying his nose in her hair. It smelled like jasmine and shampoo. Jace came to his other side and Alec wrapped his arms around them both, feeling a warmth that had nothing to do with the last days of summer.

“I love you,” Alec murmured. “Even though you’re intrusive and meddling little shits.”

“We love you, too,” Isabelle replied, squeezing his waist a hint harder.

“Even though you’re stubborn as hell, man,” Jace said.

“And even though you still think you have to protect us at all times and you are so helplessly selfless,” Max added.

Alec scoffed, but didn’t reply. Max had a point. Several points, actually.

Perhaps it was time to move on.