Diary of thoughts

My mind is a mess

It's bit weird being a teen...
A rollercoaster of emotions and feelings
I seem to ride everyday while traveling through places where I've never been...

Small things make me sad,
Simple actions make me feel glad,
A single word makes me feel bad,
Even our small conversation makes me forget all the worries I had.

I'm neither a child anymore nor am I a grown up
I love to spend time all alone but the small gestures of them makes my heart jump...

I'm not sure about even a single thing
I always keep questioning myself if it is right to do what I am doing.

I'm scared of making mistakes,
What if they lead me to my life's greatest regrets?
I don't wanna mess up anything which is perfect,
And end up being happy only in my imaginary world with the memories I collect.

Will I be proud on myself or hate myself when my future self will look back?
Is my future gonna be bright or dark and pitch black?
Am I even supposed to do that?
Could you please help me find my answers my mate?

Times when I praise myself are way a lot less as compared to those of blaming my very own self.

Everyone seems to be doing quite well just me who seems to be lagging back.
Can someone please help me come out of these thoughts that are more horrible than actual hell?

Expressing my true self feels so fantastic
But does it make me seem as if I'm a lunatic?

I am sorry if I hurt you,
I swear I never meant to do that
I am sorry if I was mean to you,
I swear I never wanted to do that
I'm sorry if I got us into embarrassing situation,
I swear I never meanted to be there.

I promise myself, tomorrow I'll be better,
I promise myself, tomorrow I'll be stronger,
I promise myself, tomorrow I'll be happier
I promise myself, tomorrow I'll be healthier.

But while I do so, am I being selfish to think just about me?
Is it not so good if my first priority is no one else but just me?

- Kaera ฅ'ω'ฅ