Outsider - On Hold

Chapter 3: I can still talk to the dead man you're burying

Chapter 3 - I can still talk to the dead man you're burying

"Lori, stand up straight" Mum said, stuttering after every word. We were at the church for Uncle Bailey's funeral, and she was a mess. The air was chilly and my black wrap wasn't enough to keep the sharp winds from tearing me to pieces. Everyone was dressed fully in black, like a typical funeral, except for Mrs McAlister, Bailey's gardener, who was wearing a bright pink coat with red shoes and an orange hat, which was pulled over her puffy eyes. I bet she regretted wearing that combination of colours. I stood close to mum at all times to make sure she was ok. She wasn't, but having me there with her sort of calmed her slightly.  Bailey was her brother and even though they didn't get along well as children, she loved him dearly. I wish I had a brother or a sister sometimes.

We all watched as Bailey's coffin was lowered into the hole in the churchyard. I looked out at the hundreds of gravestones and coffins, all decorated with pretty flowers and beautiful poems and letters. All were loved dearly, just as much as bailey.

Mum cried, but I didn't. Lines and lines of relatives and friends stretched forward to say their final goodbyes, but I held back. Everyone held hands and put their arms around each other, but I couldn't. How could I feel sad when I would be able to see Bailey every single night I went to sleep?

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" Mum said as I started to back away.

"Nothing...I... just want to be alone" I made my eyes well up and mum nodded and turned away. I watched her for a moment, and then felt this overwhelming desire to tell her the truth, to tell her about my dreams, to tell her about the waterfall, to tell her about Ed, and most of all to tell her about Bailey. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned, looking slightly surprised.

"Mum, I talked to Bailey last night" It was out before I could stop myself. My heart thumped in my chest as mums face turned from slightly surprised to painfully worried. She grabbed my shoulder and wiped the hair out of my eyes so she could look into them. She was reading me, to see if I was lying. How could she think I was telling the truth? It was drastically absurd, but I wasn't lying and I knew she saw that in my eyes. Her hand dropped, she knew I wasn't lying, but she still had to ask.

"What are you talking about, Lori? Are you sick? Do you need help?" God I wished I'd never said anything.

"I don't need help" My voice was still and firm "I see him at night. I talk to him and he talks to me" Mum's hand went to her mouth in a sort of 'gobsmacked' expression. Tears started to well in her eyes.

"Sweetheart, please don't say things like that. You know it upsets me. Just..."

"I'm not lying" I should have stopped and told mum I was lying, but it was out now and I felt so much better "Mum, I'm not"

"Please stop, Lori"

"I'm telling the..."

"STOP" she snapped and grabbed my shoulder again, but her fingers pinched into my skin and I squirmed under her grip. She was hurting me. She let go, tears streaming down her cheeks and a red flush spreading over her face. I knew I shouldn't have told her, especially at Bailey's funeral. I was so selfish sometimes.

"I'm sorry" I said, my heart beginning to slow.

"No" Her voice was calm like normal and her face had gone back to its normal flawless flush of pink. She was beautiful, but I couldn't escape the iciness of her eyes "I'm sorry" she finished. She was still mad, but there was nothing else I could do. I had ruined Bailey's funeral.

We got home from a whole day of not talking to each other and I went straight to my bedroom. I flung myself on my bed, slamming the door behind me, and sobbed into my pillow. I was mad at mum for snapping at me, even though I knew I'd done wrong. A 'pop' sound came from my computer and I lifted my head from my wet pillow to see what it was. My Facebook was on - I must've forgotten to turn it off before we left for the funeral - and someone was trying to talk to me. It was Ed.