For the Empire - Inganno

Chapter 71

JOHN PAUL

I haven't slept at all. I can't ignore the unsettling, panic feeling I have as I stare up at the ceiling. Something isn't right; I feel it deep within me. I bring my hands up to my face and then up to my hair, tugging at it.

It's not the fucking guilt or shame I feel after what I did. It's something else, something terrible...worse.

After I stormed out of here, I called fucking Victoria to bring her into this fucked up plan to push Charmaine away. I wasn't surprised when she agreed to meet up with me. I was banking on the certainty that she would be easy to persuade.

Little did I know, we would run into them at the damn diner before I had a chance to explain to Victoria what was going on.

However, I had to take advantage of the moment while I could, or so I thought.

The look on Charmaine's face torments me as she saw me walking up to them but more so when she saw Victoria was with me.

Hearing the distressed and anxious voices of Joey, Enzo, and Annalisa calling out her name while I was kissing Victoria, tore at me.

I shoved Victoria away and froze when I saw Charmaine lying on the asphalt. I had rushed over to her, couldn't believe how pale she looked; a lump lodged in my throat while our friends hovered over her, protectively, blocking me from her.

The look of terror, when her eyes met mine after she came to, sliced through my heart as well as how she backed away—literally crawled away, in fear.

I went too far. I knew I had, but it hit me like a punch in the gut right then.

Annalisa insisted on taking her to the hospital; the knot on the side of her head was growing steadily in size.

When I heard Enzo mention she had a concussion and would need to be awakened at night, my mind immediately went to the night after the gala, where she did the same for me; the night she told me she loved me for the first time. I could see her blinking away tears, and I knew she remembered the same thing.

I watched as they guided her towards the car and drove away to take her home. I told Victoria I didn't need her help anymore, and I would be going home, and she could do whatever the hell she wanted. She slapped me, calling me a list of colorful names, but I didn't give a shit.

Nothing hurt me more than knowing the pain I caused Charmaine. But I kept telling myself it was necessary. She'd be leaving the next day—today. She needed to go and not come back to this place, even if it killed me in the process.

When I came home, I found the ring I gave her on my nightstand. Someone placed it in front of a framed, recent picture of us.

I held the ring in my fingers for a long time, just staring at it, remembering that night so clearly and how excited she was and how happy she made me when she said yes. It now seems like a dream.

I went to check on her in the middle of the night and found her bed empty. I know I'm fucking shameless for even going to her room, but I just couldn't resist not seeing her.

Only she wasn't there; I can only assume she stayed with Annalisa last night.

Joey is fucking ghosting me, too.

I sent him messages last night asking how she was, and I sent him a couple more early this morning when I was tossing and turning, but he hasn't responded once.

The awful things I said to her and her desperation to keep me from leaving run through my mind on auto-repeat. Her eyes were pleading with me, fucking begging me to stop, to listen. And then the look of complete disappointment on Carmela's face just added to the whole fucking mess I made.