For the Empire - Inganno

Chapter 34

STELLA/CHARMAINE

I fall back on JP's bed, chuckling as I hold my hands over my chest; my heart is still beating quickly.

My mind is racing as I lift my hands to my head, and then I press a hand to my warm face. I don't know if I'm mad or happy that Joey barged in when he did. I'm still trying to recover from what JP and I were doing before we were interrupted.

I head to his bathroom to splash some water on my face, and the cold water snaps my thoughts to focus. I look at my reflection in the mirror; my face has more color at this moment than it has over the last few weeks. My skin is flushed, with my lips pink and slightly swollen.

I let myself get so carried away, but what scares me the most is that I wanted it to happen, and it didn't feel wrong, but it's JP.

The irresistible pull towards him was overwhelming, and I didn't want to fight it anymore. When I kissed him, I couldn't stop, and I wanted more of him and wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could be.

He was so gentle with his touch and almost hesitant when I wanted him to touch me initially. However, his strong hands lit fires throughout my skin, and his mouth left tingling sensations in its wake; remembering how he had my breasts in his mouth; I feel the tightness growing in my belly again, just by the memory alone.

I need to stop. I need to think this out. Am I really ready to go all the way? And with JP? What would happen afterward? Would we still be friends? Only friends? Do I want more? What if he doesn't? I start to panic as I think of all the different questions and scenarios.

I can't think clearly with his scent so strong surrounding me, clouding my thoughts; I should get out of his room. I need to call Annalisa; she'll help me know what to do.

I hurry out of JP's room, running to my room closing the door behind me. Zeus and Ares lift their heads from where they are lying on my bed, and I pull out my phone to call her; I don't even know what time it is.

"Char? Is everything okay?"

"Annalisa, I need you. Can you come over, please?" I plead.

I start to pace in my room, hoping she gets here before JP comes looking for me; I don't know if I want to pick up where we left off. I run my hands through my hair, slightly pulling at it, wondering how I got myself in this situation.

I wish my mamma were here, right now. The only thing I can remember her telling me when I was young and not into boys then was to be cautious with love. It's a powerful emotion and sometimes can hurt, but it can give you strength like nothing else with the right person, but is this what love feels like?

Wait. Love? What am I saying?

I mean, I love JP; he's my best friend but do I love him that way? My mom would be able to explain to me how it feels if she was here with me.

Thinking of her reminds me of my dad, and I feel my eyes burn with tears. This is the longest I've gone without thinking of him, and I push the heel of my hands to my eyes.

I don't want to start bawling my eyes out again, or I might not be able to stop considering all the other emotions I'm feeling right now; I take few deep breaths to calm down.

Maybe I should find Carmela, but then I risk the chance of running into JP, and I'm such a mess right now. Plus, I don't know how she'd react to my telling her about what I'm confused about, especially if I tell her JP is involved.

As more and more time goes by, I'm steadily growing anxious that JP will come looking for me.

A knock on the door jolts me out of my racing thoughts.