Karlnap - Life isn't quite what I thought I'd be

5 but technically 6

No one said anything about smut last chapter, so I'll take it as a no. I was mainly joking tbh, I can't actually write smut.

And what I forgot to say earlier on, is that if you get triggered by sh, ab*se, homophobia, s*!c!de, or are uncomfortable with swearing, please do not read this book, as these elements to the story are essential. :D

Karl POV

"Karl... "

"Sapnap, I'm sorry."

"Why would you do this to yourself?"

"I'm annoying, I'm ugly, I'm cringy, no one watches me. My nails are weird, I'm too high energy, everyone thinks I've been faking being asexual for attention, because I like affection, but in reality it's only because I had none as a child."

No shade on Karl's parents, I love them, and they're both amazing people! The same for Sapnap's parents, please remember this is just I fan fic, and please don't leave hateful comments saying "ew, they're nice people in real life so stfu" (obviously, this isn't the worst thing that has been said, but on my old account I ended up deleting it because of the amount of hate I was getting for virtually no reason.)

 "Όχι δεν είσαι. Σ 'αγαπώ, Καρλ, και κάθε εκατοστό του όμορφου κορμιού σου, με ουλές ή αμαυρώσεις." muttered Sapnap. 

 "What?"

 "Greek."

'Oh"

 "What does that mean?"

 "It doesn't matter.  Anyway, you look to tired to explain anything at the moment. Do you mind if I stay here for the night?"

 "K. There's monster in the fridge, I have cereal, and bread and a couple of other things in the cupboards, and you can borrow stuff from my closet if you want, though they might be a bit big." 

 "Thanks, Karl. I think it's a good thing for both of us that I'm staying here tonight."

"I'm sorry, Sapnap."

"I should be the one apologizing, I'm the one who didn't check on you for years, assuming you were fine. I was such a fucking idiot, Karl. "

Time jump: one hour

Sapnap POV

Karl had fallen asleep long ago, but I couldn't sleep. The sofa was uncomfortable, and I couldn't stop thinking about Karl's scars. It hurt me that his own mind could cause so much harm. I didn't know how much he could say to Karl, and was already regretting what I said in Greek. It just slipped out, I guess, but what if he looks it up, and finds out the secrets I've kept so well from him for years. 

I sit there, lost it my own thoughts, feeling emotions I never even knew existed run through my veins. I don't know what to think, or how to tell Karl what happens, IF I should tell him. He still thinks I'm straight though. What if he likes me back, but doesn't know I'm omnisexual? I need to tell him. He's ace, so he won't mind. He definitely won't be homophobic, but I do know that he wasn't accepted in his family. Maybe he went though something similar. I came out to my parents a couple of months back, but they didn't react well. Then the abuse started. At first it was just occasionally, but then it started getting more and more frequent. He'd go to a pub with his mates, get drunk and then come home. He'd see me, and suddenly get into a fit of rage, hurling bottles at me, hitting me, and kicking me until I couldn't imagine what a normal life was like.

Then my mom left. It only went downhill from there. He became an angry mess, eventually disowned by his friends. they knew what was happening, but did they do ANYTHING? Fuck no. 

My train of thought is broken by the noise of shuffling behind me. 

"Karl? Are you ok?" I ask, my voice sounding sleepy despite not actually getting any.

"I can't sleep. I- I'm just - Sapnap, I'm fucking worthless. There's no other way to say it. I'm worthless and unloved and -" his voice breaking, he finally letting the teardrops spill from his eyes that has threatened to fall the whole time I'd been here.

"It's ok. You aren't. If anything, I love you Karl. I have don't for a while. You are the kindest, cutest, sweetest, funniest person I have ever met, and ever will do. I know that for a fact."

I lightly grab his jaw, and gently kiss him on the lips, before pulling away to whisper or him:

"Is this ok with you?"

"I... I've wanted to do that for as long time."

"So- so have I"

"Do... Do you want to uhm-"

He gestures to the bed

"The sofa must be a bit uncomfortable, so I mean..."

"If that's comfortable with you. " it was a statement, but it sounded more like a question. 

I gently pull the covers over him, before getting in myself.

I can feel him moving around, so I put my arms around him, letting him snuggle up to me, because I know he loves affection. 

"Sapnap..."

" Yeah?"

"Can you sing to me? I know it's a weird request, but it helps me sleep"

"Yeah, of course"

I start softly singing a song my father used to sing to me when I as younger. When he will loved me.

I gently rub soothing circles on his back, hoping to relax him. 

I can see that he's starting to drift through the layers of sleep, seeing his facial features begin relax. He's so cute like this, brown fluffy hair messed up, his face is more relaxed then I've seen it in months... Maybe even years. 

I still can't believe he likes me back. Maybe him knowing I love him will help him. I want him to know how amazing is he is, and how many people love him, and that they always will.

 I want him to see himself in my eyes. To me he's an incredible, kind, funny, loveable person. To himself he's a horrible person, and that hurts me. I want him to love himself like I do.

A/N

The for reading! I've been procrastinating around this chapter for a while, so I'm glad I've finally managed to post it 

vote? :D

1043 words, so I'm pretty pleased