self destruction.
it is what i do best.
it is my coping mechanism sadly, and what i tend to fall back on when things aren't in my control.
i have fought against pushing the button for years, but every now and then i can't resist.
i am sorry to those who care about me most, and to my myself. the temptation that pulls me into the worst things is just too strong.
the blade wasn't hidden well enough,
the corks weren't put in far enough,
the lids weren't screwed on tight enough.
i can feel myself explode from the inside out.
the feelings that i have:
failed,
am not good enough,
have not tried enough,
am not worthy,
just seem to leak out of me.
i thought i plugged all the holes,
filled all the missing parts with music and books,
but still, every now and then, it seeps through.
why?
why can i not control myself?
is my mind broken i ask?
am i broken?
the answer must be yes,
because if it was no,
i wouldn't keep self destructing,
and keep taking everything beautiful around me,
out too.
